"The Smiling Mask" Team

Tackling Distress Tantrums with Brain Research

2011-11-04T15:33:00.002-06:00

I just came across this article and wish that I had known this information when I was going through these times with my daughter, Ella. The importance of positive parenting and the bond between parent and child is of vital importance. When a mother, and consequently the family, is suffering with symptoms of Postpartum Depression, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Psychosis, the importance of positive parenting is amplified for the development of the child. The early years are the vital years. Fortunately, I did learn the coping techniques in this blog entry, later in her life, and continue to use them, when needed. As a five year old, now...she's such a vibrant, self-loving, inquisitive girl who knows what she likes and doesn't. She owns her own mind and I applaud her for that :)

Here's to all the parents who wish they knew what to do with their children during a tantrum and beyond.

International "Virtual" Workshop(s)

2011-03-20T10:48:00.004-06:00

Hi, everyone :)

We've been away from blogging for quite some time as we are leading that much more at home as the Moms we are! We also just received our ISBN number and copyright certificate for our latest resource, "Behind the Mask: Trust, Adjust and Transform Your Life!"workbook!! We're now speaking with our printer to have it available for you this April and before we speak in Montreal for the Family Resource Program of Canada! One more thing...we're preparing for our second "virtual" workshop with Amber Singleton of "Rock Your Genius!" What excitement to be able to have this forum to share and to be among the ranks of the additional speakers!! Read on for more information....

INTERNATIONAL "VIRTUAL" WORKSHOP! The Healing Sequence: The Key, The Cross, The Heart

March 29, 7:30 PM CDT

We will be sharing the three steps for healing -- whether physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual -- the Key (self acceptance), the Cross (self forgiveness), and the Heart (self love). The key is self-acceptance which will unlock all, the cross is self-forgiveness which opens all, and the heart is self love which accepts all, unconditionally. Discover how gratitude can help you uncover the healing sequence. Get full details on the March 29 workshop day here. Don't forget, each workshop is limited to 40 participants, so get your "virtual seat" today!

With great gratitude and elation!

Elita, Carla & Tania

The Smiling Mask Team LIFE LIST (aka To The Core Consulting)

2010-12-02T23:58:00.008-06:00

Overall - The Smiling Mask Team is living on purpose, for purpose and with purpose. We are open and welcome cooperative and mutually beneficial relationships that uplift others and ourselves. We work easily, effortlessly, and efficiently with passion, ease and grace – we work smart, not hard!

The items that are in gray represent what we have and/or achieving!

Work + Financial
1. Be cash flow positive.
2. Get to National Best Selling status on the book.
3. Do meaningful work that helps others.
4. Be financially free and responsible.

Home + Daily Life
1. Enjoy our home life families and be grateful for all.
2. Practice meditation daily (whether it is yoga, quietness, or Ho’oponopono).
3. Take vacations when rest is required (even if we don’t leave our homes).

Relationships (Family, Friends and Pets)
1. Be grateful for our families, friends and pets. Show gratitude daily.
2. Maintain and be thankful for the positive relationships with our ambassadors.
3. Continue to attract cooperative opportunities and relationships that benefit both parties.

Giving Back
1. Continue giving $1.00 from every book sold to our charities of choice.
2. Give of our time openly and generously.
3. Continue to create the safe space for people to share their struggles and especially their healing.
4. Focus on parenting and children.
5. Focus on wellness and wholeness.

Travel, Exploration + Experience
1. Travel to many desirable destinations with each other and with our families with ease (e.g.: NYC, Fredericton, NB)
2. Empower and inspire all of Canada to prioritize maternal mental health.
3. Create a big screen movie.
4. Finally, create our children’s book and also include Mary MacNicol's Angel painting!
5. Teach and speak.
6. Get a television program.
7. Meet Oprah and Ellen.
8. Receive Order of Canada and Order of Saskatchewan.

Self (Personal Goals + Self Care)
1. Surround ourselves with forgiving, accepting and loving messages.
2. Balance our mental, emotional, physical and spiritual well-being.
3. Make it a habit to understand that unfavourable experiences or feelings are simply reminding us what it is we DO want out of life – send out those rockets of desire!
4. To go through life with grace and ease and good times!

Visit www.rockyourgenius.com/life-lists to view many more such lists AND to create your own!

Much success and fun!

Promoting Peace and Validation to Create a Healthy Community

2010-11-28T18:54:00.002-06:00

On November 25, 2010, the YMCA in Moose Jaw celebrated National Peace Week by acknowledging the achievements of local persons in the community who – without any special resources – demonstrate in their lives and activities the values expressed in the World Alliance on YMCA’s 1981 statement of Peace.

Peace has many dimensions. It is not only a state of relationship among nations. We cannot expect to live in a world of peace if we are unable to live in peace with those close to us – even those who differ from us. The responsibility for peace begins with each person, in relationship with family and friends, and extends to community life and national activities.

I was truly honoured to be nominated for this year’s Peace Medal. I would also like to congratulate the other following nominees for their valuable work in the community of Moose Jaw:

Joe Dueck,
Don Gude,
Leanne Plouffe,
and Joan Stumborg who graciously received the award.

Together we are enriching the lives of the local families by creating a healthy and safe community!

When we created the dream of The Smiling Mask in 2008, our mission was to create awareness, understanding, and acceptance of postpartum difficulties; to bring peace and validation to mothers and fathers by engaging, and empowering families, and communities in the life changing and natural experience of parenthood.

We could have never imagined the immense support we have and continue to receive from various organizations in the community such as The Canadian Mental Health Association, Public Health, KidsFirst and the YMCA to name a few!

One of my personal goals when we started this project was to create a local Postpartum Support Group in Moose Jaw, and to provide Pre-natal Education. When I put this suggestion forward, again, I was amazed by the support I received. Peace came to me, when I realized I did not have to be a prisoner to my mental illness and when I realized we have two hands; one to help ourselves and one to help someone else!

We are so blessed to live in such an abundant, healthy and rich community!

Carla O’Reilly,
Author & Inspirational Speaker

After the Birth, what a family needs!

2010-11-12T12:08:00.002-06:00

With the wonders of facebook, we found this connection to Gloria from British Columbia. Below is a caption from her blog that is very informative and great information for supports on what potential help will look like to a new mom.

http://www.glorialemay.com/blog/?p=34

Enjoy in providing help that may work well for both parties!

Kristyn's Courage: A Mother's Legacy for her daughters!

2010-11-10T19:03:00.009-06:00

We connected with Kristyn after she purchased our book, and after hearing her courageous story, we asked her to share her experiences to help other mothers.

She is a testament to the strength of a mother, having battled this illness three times and continues to have a positive outlook and places her children's happiness first. The beauty in her story is the teaching of advocacy she demonstrates. She is not ashamed and speaks freely about her illness. Please cheer her on as she destroys the mask and continues to be a role model for her daughters!

Thank you for choosing to share your story Kristyn, why do you think it is so important?

I wanted to share my story because people need to know. PPD is nothing to be ashamed of. It's an illness; that if treated appropriately can be stabilized. Unfortunately, there is no 100% cure, but we all have to stay strong and FIGHT!

What were your symptoms like?

My symptoms revolved around resentment. I resented my baby. I resented my husband for making me pregnant. I wanted to leave. I, to this day, think my depression started showing itself in my third trimester. During that time I had anxiety. I was anxious that I wouldn't know what labor was. I was anxious about bringing this baby home. I was anxious about breast-feeding. I was anxious about being a mother. I ended up seeking counseling before my daughter was born. It helped with the issues I was having at that time, but I had no idea what was about to happen.

Right before I had my daughter, I had a plan. I had decided that I didn't want to be a mother or a wife, so I was just going to leave. I had decided that I would have this child, and when we were discharged from the hospital, I was going to go home, pack my bags and leave. I wanted nothing to do with that life. Fortunately, for me I ended up with an emergency C-section. So, I was unable to do pretty much anything. I was in so much pain. Then I decided that after the six to eight weeks I would leave.

How long did you suffer before seeking help?

Eight weeks. I suffered alone in silence for eight weeks.

What did you do in order to get help and why do you think it was so important for your family?

At my eight week check up I told my doctor that I thought something was wrong. I said “I don't like my baby, and I don't want her. I want to run away and never come back."
This was important for my family because it was my way of finally standing up and saying, "I'M NOT OKAY!"

I was doing strange things. I refused to be left alone with my daughter. If I was going to nap, I would remove everything from my room that had anything to do with a baby. I removed the bassinet, the receiving blankets, diapers, wipes. I would set it out in the hall an pretend I wasn't a mom. I was just the person that I was missing so much. I would also shower. Every time my daughter started crying, I would run and have a shower so I didn't have to listen to it. Thankfully, my husband was home during this time to take care of her. I would shower five to six times a day.

I also HATED my daughter. I was so mad at her for “RUINING” my life. I knew I needed help. I knew that it wasn't right for a mother to feel this way about her child. I just, for the life of me, couldn't figure out why I was feeling this way.

I was started on an anti-depressant immediately. I started Celexa 10mg. I noticed a difference quickly. I also called the Postpartum Depression help line here in Saskatoon and started attending the local support group. I LOVED the group. It was the second outing I took my daughter to all by myself! This was a HUGE accomplishment considering she was already three and a half months old. It was so refreshing for me to find people that knew what I was going through. I felt safe, and at home. I started looking forward to the “homework” assignments that we had.

What proactive steps did you take with your second pregnancy, that were different from your first knowing more about Postpartum Depression?

My second pregnancy was AMAZING! I continued on medication, although, I switched from Celexa to Prozac. I knew that there was NO way I was ever going to be off my anti-depressant. I had a long talk with my family doctor, and we decided to make the switch. I knew that Prozac was the only medication that had been studied on pregnant women, and that there were no side effects on the babies.

I also TALKED! The minute I was diagnosed with PPD, I told two of my best friends in the world, Cari and Tania. Both of these women had children the same time I had my oldest daughter. Our kids were born within three weeks of each other. So, I had friends going through the same things I was going through; had support from women who I could bounce my feelings off of.

I am also very open about my PPD. I'm not afraid to talk about it. I'm not ashamed of it. I was proud that I was healthy and happy to be having my second daughter.

I delivered my Heidi on October 4, 2007, 22 ½ months after having my oldest daughter Halle. 20 months after being diagnosed with PPD. Now, I would like to say that I was “CURED” we were a happy family with these two great kids! But my anxiety started creeping up on me when Heidi was three months old. I told my husband, who was very supportive. Since work was always one of my refuges, I started picking up a four-hour shift, once a month. It was great. I was enjoying myself. My husband had taken time off work, and we were going to have the year with the girls together.

When my Heidi was eight months old, I discovered I was nine weeks pregnant. I honestly felt that my world had stopped spinning. I was devastated. I took to bed for two weeks. I felt so alone, I knew I was struggling with my own feelings about being a good mother to my kids, and didn't know what to do.

I had to go back to work full time three days after finding out about my pregnancy so I would be able to qualify for another mat leave. I hit rock bottom. I was so depressed. At my first prenatal appointment I told my doctor that I didn't want the baby. She asked me first if I was depressed, or if we needed to make an appointment for a D&C. I told her that it was the first time I had been out of my bed in the past 2 weeks. She immediately referred me to a psychiatrist. I was lucky to get in within the week.

After months of sessions and medication changes, I was up to 60mg of Prozac and almost put on Lithium, which is a mood stabilizer commonly used for Bipolar Disorder, I delivered girl #3 on December 29, 2008. Isobel.

What lessons have your learned from your healing that are positive for your family?

The lesson that I've learned is, everything will be OK.

Yes, I have guilt. I have so much guilt, but you know what, my girls were babies. They won't remember the worst of me. That's my burden to carry. And yes, some days it's heavy. Some days I feel like I'm being pulled down and I'm grasping to hold on.

I take a step back and remember. I remember how I felt and I look at my girls. How beautiful they are. How strong they are.

It's going to take us time to heal. My husband has been supportive in his own ways. He is the greatest dad in the world. He has put up with a lot from me, but he's still here and we're working on it.

I know that everything will be OK!

How has this experience helped you in other aspects of your life?

I'm more open. I don't hide my feelings anymore. It's like I took off that mask and destroyed it.
What words of encouragement can you offer for mothers who are suffering right now?

YOU CAN DO IT!

The results won't be immediate, but if you work they will come. I'm a living example. My Halle will be five in a few weeks, my Heidi turned three a few weeks ago, and my Isobel will be two at the end of December.

I'm still on my meds. Currently I'm on 20mg of Celexa. I've been up to 60 mg. I know I will never be off them. When my kids ask what they're for, I tell them “They're Mommy's Happy Pills."

You will have bad days, I'm not going to lie. There will be a few of those, but when you get through them and get out of the dark place you will be able to appreciate everything you have.

Everything will be OK!

E-Learning Event Maternal Mental Health: Understanding, Care and Support

2010-11-10T10:58:00.006-06:00

Description:

Maternal Mental Health is an important issue, with one in five women suffering from depression in pregnancy and postpartum. We are implementing recommendations of the MotherFirst working group, with includes screening for depression, improved group and individual therapies, and medical management. This presentation will invite and challenge health professionals to think about how they address the emotional needs of their pregnant and postpartum patients. Questions, such as; What is the EPDS?, When do I screen?, Can I prescribe antidepressants medications for my patients?, will be discussed.

Objectives:

Recognize the signs and symptoms of maternal depression and anxiety
Understand how to screen women for depression in pregnancy and postpartum
Know how to start and facilitate a postpartum depression support group
Understand effective individual therapies
Identify appropriate medical interventions and medications for use in pregnancy
Understand the strategies for positive mental health

Target Audience:

Family physicians, obstetricians, psychiatrists, nurse practitioners, midwives, doulas, public health nurses, mental health workers, social workers, maternal child workers, lactation consultants, KidsFirst workers, pharmacists, prenatal educators, elders and parent mentor program staff.

Pre-workshop reading material available at www.skmaternalmentalhealth.ca where you may download the MotherFirst Report.

Registration is free of charge.

We have two hands: One to Help Ourselves and one to Help Someone Else!

2010-11-02T17:46:00.007-06:00

After connecting nearly five years ago, our friendships have grown enormously with our mission to provide healing to many mothers and destroy the mask! We only continue to spread our wings and follow our dreams. True love is accepting someone when they are at their worst and cheering them on when they are at their best! The letter, below, was created as a birthday gift for Tania and also serves as a testament of all the success and healing that has transpired between the three of us! May you use this letter as an inspiration to reach out to your own friends and tell them how much they mean to you!

Ode to my friend and confidante Tania Bird:

She saw beauty and grace when I felt none.
She saw intelligence and wisdom when I felt I had none to offer.
She saw a bountiful spirit when mine so damaged and worn.
She never stopped believing in our dream to educate, empower, encourage and provide empathy.
She loved me during my best and worst times!

She taught me the following lessons;
To never harbor hate or anger.

To never take myself too seriously, and laugh at my humanity.

That the perfect mother doesn’t exist she is only a myth.

That we can never be too fabulous, or too extravagant with our goals and dreams.

That our friends will always provide a soft and safe place for us to fall but it is ultimately our responsibility to choose our happiness.

She has uplifted me to great heights with her guidance and acceptance!

Love and light,

Carla O'Reilly
Author & Inspirational Speaker

The MotherFirst Report is available for download!

2010-10-21T14:54:00.003-06:00

Well, we used our voices and the MotherFirst Report was endorsed, today, Thursday, October 21st, 2010 by the Minister of Health, Honourable Don McMorris, in Regina, SK!!

PLEASE find your copy here to download, and disburse to anyone and everyone ~ it's the grassroots movement that will make the recommendations occur that much faster and stronger! YOU HAVE THE POWER IN YOUR HANDS BY ASKING TO BE SCREENED WITH THE EDINBURG POST-NATAL DEPRESSION SCALE!! Start the conversation, NOW, with your Doctor, Obstetrician, Public Health Nurse, Counsellor, Social Worker, or by simply calling the Healthline at 1-877-800-0002! If you're a healthcare practitioner with questions, please direct your email inquiries to angela.bowen@usask.ca !

It's by putting the Mother, first, that will ensure the health and well-being of our children ~ our future!

A heartfelt thank you for your support and energy to this movement!

The MotherFirst Working Group

Another Saskatchewan Healthcare First!

2010-10-18T10:46:00.003-06:00

You are invited to witness another SASKATCHEWAN HEALTHCARE FIRST!

WHEN: Thursday, October 21st, 2010
TIME: 11:15 am – 11:30 am
LOCATION: Legislative Building, Regina, SK (Ask at the Security Desk for further directions.)

Witness the Minister of Health, The Honourable Don McMorris, make Canadian history as he endorses the MotherFirst Report - it will be made available for download after the announcement at www.thesmilingmask.com and www.skmaternalmentalhealth.ca ! The report recommends education for the public and all healthcare providers, as well as, screening (for anxiety and depression) and treatment for every pregnant and post-partum woman in our province!

We are the first province within Canadian that will have the most comprehensive support for mothers and their children!!

The official announcement will be 15 to 20 minutes in length. It will cover Dr. Angela Bowen's explanation of the recommendations, to then have the Minister verbally endorse the recommendations. Finally, our Team, with husbands in tow, will express our absolute enthusiasm for the developments that are occurring in our province! Please come if you are
able as we would LOVE to have the entire room full with our family and friends! This is a magnificent celebration!!

Plus, there will be an evening PUBLIC MotherFirst Report presentation with Dr. Angela Bowen and a showing of The Smiling Mask documentary (free of charge):

WHEN: Thursday, October 21st, 2010
TIME: 6:00 pm to 8:00 pm
LOCATION: Royal Saskatchewan Museum, Regina, SK (corner of Albert Street and College
Avenue)
There will also be a Q&A session, including Darren and Ward, following the viewing.

**** Please share this information with all your contacts who may be interested.

With immense gratitude!
Carla, Elita & Tania

NOTE: An e-Learning event will happen on Wednesday, November 17th, 2010,
8:30 am to 12:00 pm, including a psychiatrist, psychologist and nurses to
discuss screening, medical management, and treatments.
http://www.usask.ca/nursing/cne/events/2010_ELearning/20101117MaternalHealth.php

Thankful in our Hearts and Minds

2010-10-10T10:19:00.001-06:00

On behalf of the three of us, we want to say how much we are grateful for our Ambassadors, who continually support our mission to destroy the mask! Your encouragement and support have nurtured our families and yours, to where we are all today!

Finally, after two years, each of us are at peace. We are no longer ashamed and know that after manifesting The Smiling Mask, we can only continue to follow our dreams!

We are so excited for the future and know that the possibilities are endless!

When you live in a place of gratitude, inspirational words become gold. My beautiful friend, Tania, gave me this loving quote for my birthday. She said the following quote made her think of me. I am in awe, as I know I received everything I wished for after dreaming! We all have the power to do this and I feel all the same for you...

I have a premonition that soars on silver wings,
It is a dream of your accomplishments
Of many wondrous things,
I do not know beneath which sky
Or where you ‘ll challenge fate,
I only know it will be high,
I only know it will be great!
~ Anonymous

With love this Thanksgiving on behalf of The Smiling Mask Team!

Carla , Elita and Tania

The Smiling Mask Team's Journey to Hope!

2010-09-25T06:52:00.004-06:00

On Saturday, September 25th, The Smiling Mask Team joined many family members and friends who organized, "Journey to Hope" a walk to promote suicide prevention and education and provide a place for survivors and family to heal and honour loved ones. The event was held at Crescent Park in Moose Jaw, and this year I was honoured to be asked to share my story.

Having come full circle in my journey through this illness, I want to say thank you to everyone who stood by me through those four long years when I was struggling to find the light. Today, I know I have found it. I would like to now share with you my speech.

Love and Light,

Carla O'Reilly
Author & Inspirational Speaker
The Smiling Mask-Truths about Postpartum Depression and Parenthood

Good afternoon,

On behalf of myself, Elita Paterson and Tania Bird, I would like to take the opportunity to thank the organizers of Journey to Hope, for inviting us to be a part of this event. Suicide prevention begins and ends with awareness and empathy. If we as a community understand and recognize the struggle between the head and the heart we can provide hope and reduce tragedy.

As three women who strived to be the perfect mothers, our unrealistic expectations only led to severe Postpartum Depression. We lived with an outward mask, pretending to be happy. Unfortunately, our journey through motherhood began with fear, isolation, social pressure and a loss of self. After struggling and contemplating suicide, I understand first-hand what the deep hole felt like as described by anyone who has suffered with mental illness.

The feelings and emotions that go along with depression are akin to a dark, spiraling staircase, with no sense of impending light. The painful and judgmental thoughts one can experience, can also be described as a Game of Dominos . One negative thought after another after another after another. When you continue to think negatively, you self-fulfill that prophecy and the habit becomes ingrained.

After struggling for over four years, I made a choice to forgive myself and no longer be a victim to my illness. In 2008, the three of us came together with a mission to provide awareness, acceptance and assistance for families struggling with Postpartum Depression and together wrote The Smiling Mask. We realized that we all have the power of positive choice. We all have the power to create self-happiness! Elita Paterson explains this inner power in the Smiling Mask, “If I thought myself here, I can damn well think myself out!” The key to this powerful statement is: Just as negative thinking becomes a habit so can positive thinking.

Recognizing that you have the power to perceive any unfortunate circumstance happening to you, and choosing that opportunity to create and grow as well as help someone else, is life changing! We truly believe the mantra, “You have two hands: One to help yourself and one to help someone else!” The power to destroy mental illness stigma comes from within! You must first forgive yourself, then move forward to a place of self-acceptance and, finally, self-love.

Finding a mentor, friend, support group or seeking counselling to help guide you on this path is key. Remembering that you are not alone is also key to wellness. Speak UP, speak OUT and share! Know that this is the first step on the healing journey. And, it is a journey, a marathon, not a sprint.

Our hope is that by sharing our truths and continuing our campaign of the four "E"s: Education, Empowerment, Encouragement and Empathy, the world will understand that, “Reaching out for assistance is not an expression of weakness; it is you taking hold of your power! Empathy and compassion are the very heart of our existence.”

Today I leave you with a wish to find hope and healing and know your loved ones are safe, smiling and surrounded by peace and love.

We hit PPD info jackpot!

2010-09-12T08:45:00.011-06:00

We hit this jackpot when Rachel Day excitedly reached out to us August 27 from the United Kingdom wanting to also share her story on our site AND her book (!) ~ for her to then share our stories on hers! Then we asked her if her husband would consider answering a few interview questions. She responded by saying that they were divorced but still had a strong relationship and she would ask. Well, not only did her ex-Husband answer our questions, so did her fiancé who also went through Post-Natal Psychosis with his first wife!! Truly, truly admirable and courageous people for each and every one of them to share their lives like they have for the world to read and learn. May your hearts be open to their courageous words of hope!

Rachel Day's story ....
The men in her life, stories ....

May you also check-out Rachel's site AND incredible book at http://www.pnprachelday.webs.com/ with admiration and gratitude!

A Mother's Love Reborn with Forgiveness

2010-09-02T08:21:00.006-06:00

I met Carrie, in 2005, when I began to attend the YMCA Postpartum Support group in Regina. Nearly five years ago, the friendships made have withstood time and the most beautiful thing is that we have all grown to forgive ourselves for the illness, for our judgments of our mothering ability and to move forward into love for ourselves and our children.

In the spirit of helping other mothers, Carrie has shared her experience in the following interview. I would also like to say I have witnessed her healing as I attended her child's birthday party one month ago and saw a mother who was free, spirited and able to adjust her sail as the the gail force winds tried to destroy her perfectly planned picnic. She did not stress, or falter...only laugh. The laugh that told me this was just another day in the life of a mother.

Thank you Carrie, for your friendship, I am so proud to be your friend!

Carla

*****

Thank you for choosing to share your story Carrie, why do you think it is so important?

Sharing my story is important for two reasons. The first reason, being to help others; telling mothers or soon to be mothers of all the good, bad, and ugly truths about Postpartum Depression (PPD) may help them recognize the signs and the different ways to deal with it. The second reason is to help myself. Sharing my story gives me a sense of relief. I know, now, that I was not alone. I can help to change the perception of how others see this disease! This is empowering!

What were your symptoms like?

I had suffered with severe depression during my pregnancy. At the beginning the symptoms were fatigue, lack of energy, uncontrollable crying spells, feelings of guilt and suicide. I had run my car into a pole hoping for the worst to happen so my child would never be born and never have to have me as a mother. After I had delivered my baby I had feelings of guilt, anxiety, irritability and fatigue. I felt like I couldn’t cry, I had distanced myself from everyone around me; I never felt that bond or "love" that a mother should have for her child. I had visions of throwing my son down the stairs. I also had dreams of crashing my car and killing us both. Those are only a few visions, but the most memorable.

How long did you suffer before seeking help?

I had been in counseling for months before the birth. After the delivery, I attended the Postpartum Support Group at the YMCA.

What did you do in order to get help and why do you think it was so important for your family?

Other than the counseling, I took anti-depressants and anti-psychotic medication. I believe it was important for me and my family so I could regain my confidence to be a mother and experience that feeling of love. My sister stepped in to support me and raised my son for eight months during his first year of life. It took a lot of family, friends and counseling to feel ready to be a mother.

What proactive steps did you take with your second pregnancy that was different from your first knowing more about Postpartum Depression?

The steps I took with my second pregnancy started as soon as I had received the positive test result. I had started on new medication, sought counseling, talked a lot about my fears and hopes about having another child. After I had my daughter, I continued with everything as well as took time out for myself to do activities I really enjoyed.

What lessons have your learned from your healing that are positive for your family?

The first lesson and the most important one that I learned was that having PPD was not my fault. I have learned that you can’t change the past but you can make a new beginning! I always felt like I owed my child everything and felt guilty for what I had done. Healing helped me to understand that my love for him was enough; I didn’t have to prove myself. He was a baby and loved me no matter what.

How has this experience helped you in other aspects of your life?

The experience has helped me to believe in myself. No matter what goes wrong or how hard life gets I can get through it. Positive thinking, love, family and friends are all a person needs to overcome anything!

What words of encouragement can you offer for mothers who are suffering right now?

You are not alone!! Talk to someone. Understand it is not your fault. Believe in yourself. Being a mother is the most wonderful gift.

History in the making!

2010-08-19T08:57:00.028-06:00

History was made on Tuesday, August 17th between 11 am and 12 pm in Regina, SK!! Not only for our province, but for our country when Minister of Health, Don McMorris, met with Dr. Angela Bowen, Jamie Petty and I, and readily agreed to endorse the first-ever MotherFirst recommendations for our province!

There is history in the making for Canada, also, as other provinces have been watching our work and wanting to move forward with our comprehensive recommendations of education, screening, and treatment through sustainability and accountability - all of these actions to ensure emotional well-being for mothers and their children! We will update you as the momentum continues!

An ENORMOUS "Thank you!" goes to Dr. Angela Bowen and the 34 other members that represent the entire province of Saskatchewan who are on the SK Maternal Mental Health Working Group for creating such a "commendable report!" These are Minister McMorris' words! Thank you to each and every one of our Smiling Mask ambassadors who have also wholeheartedly supported this endeavour and believe that a happy and healthy mother makes for a happy and healthy family!

The next step for our province is evolving our working group into an implementation committee to guide the government toward the health of all mothers and children by creating regional implementation committees throughout the province.

If there are mothers and others out there in the world that want to share our recommendations to their powers that be, know that the report will be available for download in the fall! We'll be sure to make you aware so you may share it freely and joyfully!

Grateful beyond all understanding!!!

Elita, Carla & Tania

Kelly Nordstrom as a PPD "Thrivor" and Planet Propellor!

2010-08-05T15:14:00.013-06:00

I had the absolute pleasure of meeting Kelly, online, when both our stories were on CNN Online regarding Postpartum Depression ~ thanks very much to a dear, male friend of mine who even recommended this site in the first place!

I did my usual thing by asking Kelly if she would like to cross reference each of our sites as I truly admired her healing journey and was sharing her positive experience with the world ~ www.evolutionmom.com! She quickly agreed and a friendship was as quickly forged :) I admired her tenacity, honesty and humour right from the start...and shortly after she sent a video that further confirmed everything I adored about her; especially her message that is full of heart and hope - click here to understand why she's making a world of difference as she is, and therefore a Planet Propellor, too!

Kelly also offers kind and clever parenting workshops on her site that were an immense help with understanding Ella that much more. For example, I received her Rewards & Consequences Chart earlier this summer to help Ward and I to be more respectful, loving and balanced when teaching Ella to fall asleep earlier at nighttime. Her system also teaches our children to realize how much they positively propel our planet forward with enthusiasm and great speed ~ I just LOVED that! Kelly even responded quickly and heartfully to my lengthy email inquiry so that the system worked that much better for our family ~ now that's a professional and a friend!

Kelly, from my heart to yours...thank you for remaining true to yourself and your children and to your life purpose. You are truly a shining light for all! Gratefully yours....

Elita

The Evolution of Dad

2010-06-19T22:40:00.023-06:00

Coming from the perspective of three mothers who speak on postpartum difficulties, I found it most intriguing that Dana Glazer, filmmaker, and the other fathers in this influential documentary, The Evolution of Dad, felt alone and failures as men...in the beginning of their journeys. These are the exact words we used to describe ourselves when we were in the middle of dealing with our conditions.

Could it be we all felt this way because we didn’t feel heard and/or understood or valued while struggling with such pressure and beliefs that simply didn't serve us, well?

So...I am MOST relieved that Dana took his difficulty and created it into a gift of a documentary that is exceptionally eye-opening and validating! My eager eyes were further opened to:

fathers who chose and choose to stay at home with their children and why;
fathers who fight for their rights to have equal opportunities with their children;
fathers who have to fight for paternal paid leave and, thankfully, WIN – a reality only true in the US and four other countries I’ve only heard of maybe one other time in my life;
a grandfather who rose-up to raise his grand-daughter because her biological father simply did not trust himself enough to parent, and left her;
parents who choose to both work part-time so that they may raise their children, together, despite losing health benefits!
women and men who honour and respect what each other has to uniquely offer as parents and not assimilate to one method because one says it's so ~ it's about building confidence in the other to keep trusting his/her intuition ~ Dana's wife said something similar to this and it triggered me to only further respect Ward's ways!
and then, all of this information is backed by verifiable experts!

This film also opened my mind to people's bent perceptions. For example, the many men and women that Dana interviewed, believed that a father should spend more time with their children, BUT their place is at work, not at home! So, a man is successful depending on the size of his wallet AND the size of his heart…seems like there’s quite a bit of pressure on men to be perfect, too!

With that typed...I was relieved to hear some of the younger generation realizing the roles of motherhood and fatherhood are dependent on their own definitions!

I like the idea of aiming to be that much more comfortable in my own skin and mind and following my heart despite what others have to say; despite how others rate success. My wish is that both Ward and I may model what success looks like to each of us, and together, so that our daughter may realize her own.

I cried happy tears at the end of this film!

It's my hope that thousands upon thousands of people and corporate owners take the opportunity to purchase and watch such a film. It's my hope the media positively spreads the revelations, inside ~ the hope and guidance is what it will take for our world to live compassionately forward!

With immense gratitude for all of us following our passions to elevate and recognize our power and worth, for our children's sakes ~ Happy Fathers’ Day!

Elita

Behind the Iron Mask: Postpartum Recovery is a Family Affair

2010-06-13T11:21:00.003-06:00

When we pledged our sacred vows to love, honour and cherish in sickness and health; we could never have imagined the test we would receive.

As the three Authors of The Smiling Mask, our journeys through motherhood began with fear, isolation, and social pressure only to be reborn with powerful healing for mothers everywhere as we exposed our truths.

Thankfully, we were supported by our spouses in our darkest hours. Relying on our husbands to hold on, while we floundered in our deep holes, was at times an exhausting endurance race with no end in sight.

The Smiling Mask documentary features spouses Darren Bird and Ward Paterson who provide intimate detail s of what living with mental illness looked and felt like.

*****

Darren’s Experience:
Darren was coping with extreme stress after the birth of Katherine and was challenged to remain strong during the life and death situation his family experienced. “When it really got challenging and scary was when Tania’s blood pressure spiked enormously and was put on stroke watch, it really started to hit home. I had a little girl in the intensive care unit and a wife in the intensive care unit.”

After Tania’s health improved, her psychosis began and Darren had to admit her into the Psychiatric Ward, under false pretenses. After experiencing such an intense ordeal, their marriage survived only to be that much more solid. Tania speaks about their struggle with love and gratitude, “I contend lesser men would have left, but not my husband.”

*****

Ward’s Experience:
Ward and Elita didn’t recognize her struggle with PPD until the symptoms had become severe, causing them to finally seek help.

Ward explained candidly, “The endless nights of little sleep compounded day after day after day and then heading to working and the demands of that, catches up to you and you become a little irritable. It’s tough to fault anybody.”

After battling with PPD for eight months, Elita hit rock bottom and Ward encouraged her to seek counselling as he admitted that he was going to have his own nervous breakdown. The two of them sought counselling, together, which was immensely helpful to the survival of their marriage. Ward explained, “We had little patience with each other and little things would set us off. It was really mayhem.”

*****

Curtis’ Experience:
Curtis and Carla O’Reilly, unfortunately, endured the longest amount of martial stress being four years. Although their marriage didn’t survive, they have remained friends and co-parents for their son Cameron. “The horrible secret and difficult illness that plagued their lives is under control and Curtis believes they are much stronger people for going through it.”

Curtis offers this advice for fathers dealing with PPD, to be open to taking on more parenting responsibility, and suggests taking Paternal Leave. “We can’t just leave it to the mothers to carry the load, especially dealing with mental illnesses. You can’t gamble with your child’s life.”
“We should not take anything for granted and we should appreciate our lives and the people we share them with.” Excerpt from The Smiling Mask, 2008

*****

After watching the documentary, one will only admire the strength and heart of each husband who held their families together during such damaging circumstances.

Today, The Smiling Mask team celebrates the fathers who carried us in times of sickness and cheered us in times of triumph as we destroyed the mask of PPD. Thank you to Darren, Ward and Curtis. Thank you to all the fathers who remain iron, though tarnished, you continue to remain valiant.

Carla O'Reilly
Author & Inspirational Speaker

RubyShuze...You deserve the life you want!

2010-05-29T00:02:00.006-06:00

I met Layne Schmidt nearly two months ago, now, and she's been a powerful ray of sunshine! I welcome her, warmly, as we all could use more rays these days ;) But, as I tell my daughter...the rain is helping Mother Earth get watered and clean. She's good with that. You know what else she's good with? Some simple tools on how to create a happy life for herself! Layne's site www.rubyshuze.com is a friendly must-read, as is her recent newsletter on the latest conversation she and I had about choices and a fabulous chain of events...enjoy!

Elita

Postpartum Depression DOES affect our Partners

2010-05-18T11:29:00.011-06:00

Check out this recent link to learn how and why. Also, if you're interested in helping out present and/or future partners struggling, please consider contacting Esther Shoemaker at ebaum038@uottawa.ca to find out what you can do to make a difference, now! Refer to our past entry here for more information. Thank you and may you understand you're not alone and there is treatment and supports surrounding you and your family!

p.s. The Saskatchewan Maternal Mental Health Strategy will be including that the partners also be screened during pregnancy and postpartum in the treatment program that will be submitted to the government, this August! Now, THAT'S comprehensive and will make a magnificent difference to our families!

What is your child's purpose?

2010-05-17T14:46:00.012-06:00

I'm watching the "Oprah" show with Jada and Will Smith as her guests. They are FABULOUS!! The words they share with their children are peaceful, sensitive, humorous as ever, and powerful.

Oprah asked about their family meetings and what is discussed, Jada and Will said something along the lines of...it is their purpose as a family to create a family business that will give back to themselves, their neighbourhood and then humanity as a whole. Once a family creates the space, creates the freedom for one another to learn their purpose, you will then nurture self-esteem which in turn creates an individual who makes healthier decisions for themselves and therefore contributes to the health of our world.

So the question is, 'What is your child's purpose? What is your purpose?" I firmly believe that once our children are given the peaceful space to be free to explore and create and are modeled consequences, peacefully and through a heart connection, are they then shown how to give back to themselves and the people around them. With this type of parenting will our children become agents of change, now! Check out sites such as www.connectionparenting.com and www.atlc.org for more guidance.

I believe when we live our purpose we are passionate, satisfied, happier and that much more aware of our life choices. We are less likely to be anxious and depressed as we are listening to our bodies and emotions and knowing what feels good or not. If something does not feel good to our being, then we search for solutions that deal with the real cause of our discomfort and move forward. Move forward with people who will support our journey to wellness.

Here's to people like Jada, Will, Oprah, Pam Leo, the Board of Directors of ATLC and many more who show people the how to live powerfully, heartfully and consciously by using our voices and modeling peace and purpose for our children! Our future.....

Elita

Looking for Dads out there who want to help others!

2010-05-11T10:39:00.004-06:00

We are helping Dr. Letourneau and her assistant, Esther Shoemaker, by spreading their research news...

Hello,

I'm writing to you as a research assistant for Dr. Letourneau's current research project on fathers and postpartum depression. We are researchers affiliated with Carleton University, University of Toronto, University of New Brunswick, University of Alberta, and University of Calgary. We are currently conducting telephone interviews with fathers of partners who have experienced postpartum depression within the last five years. We have received ethical approval from all of the institutions involved and the research is funded by the Canadian Institute of Health Research.

We are wondering if you could help us to recruit participants for this study. Maybe you could put up posters in appropriate departments, and you could hand out brochures to individuals who might be eligible to participate. We are not asking you for active recruitment. However, it would be very helpful if you could pass on the information about our study so that fathers can decide on their own if they wish to participate. Of course, any participant will be reimbursed for the time of the interview.

Here is some additional information about the study, and I attached our poster, brochure and study protocol as a reference:

We are trying to understand fathers’ experiences when their partners have postpartum depression as well as fathers’ support needs, resources, barriers to accessing support, and support preferences. We want to find out how to help men whose partners are experiencing or have experienced symptoms of postpartum depression and how to promote fathers’ and mothers’ mental health. During the hour and a half telephone interview, participants will be asked to describe their experiences related to their partners’ postpartum depression. In addition, participants will be asked to complete a number of questionnaires related to demographic information, depression, marital quality, and social support.

The results of this study will enable program planners to develop and test an intervention for fathers which will enable them to better support their wives as they experience postpartum depression.

Please let me know if I can send you posters and brochures, and if you would like more information about the study.

Sincerely,
Esther Shoemaker
PhD Student, Population Health
Institute of Population Health
University of Ottawa
ebaum038@uottawa.ca

To all mothers and their families!

2010-05-09T21:00:00.010-06:00

Happy Mother's Day!

The greatest thing she'd learned over the years is that there's no way to be a perfect mother, but a million ways to be a good one.
- Unknown

Living these words is what made our healing journeys that much lighter and brighter. And, now, our team has moved into another milestone of our journeys! Three very important announcements:

1. The official announcement of the "Maternal Mental Health" working group was this past Monday, May 3rd, in Saskatoon! We are the only non-medical representatives on the 30+ person committee that has representatives from literally every corner of Saskatchewan. A heartfelt thank-you to Dr. Angela Bowen and her Assistant, Lindsey Bruce, and all the other esteemed members for the incredible work that is being organized and facilitated! Please check out the website for valuable resources and information ~ www.skmaternalmentalhealth.ca . Please share it with all the pregnant and new mothers you know, as well as their supports! Then there's your Family Doctor or OB.

2. We are giving back to our communities - we have cut or will be cutting $250 cheques to the:

NICU/Mother and Baby Unit in late March;
Canadian Mental Health Association last week during Mental Health Awareness Week;
Moose Jaw Transition House on May 13th, and then to the
YMCA Urban Challenge coming up June 19th.

We will have paid out $1,000! These donations would not be possible without the tremendous support we receive from our ambassadors both through purchases and sharing our message with your friends, families and co-workers.

3. Our team won the category of "Circle of Friends" at the YWCA Women of Distinction Gala on Thursday, May 6th!! The "Circle of Friends" is about honouring a group of two or more women whose collaboration has resulted in outstanding achievements and valuable contributions to their community or communities. We were thrilled to bits that we won! The acceptance speech began, "This is a victory for all Saskatchewan mothers!" We would also like to extend a heartfelt "Congratulations" to all the 2010 nominees and the work they are doing to improve the lives of our communities!

We look forward to what is on the horizon for mothers and their families! We believe change is occurring when it comes to maternal mental health and Postpartum Depression - this is a big topic for the G8 countries (more than 500,000 women globally succumb every year), CNN is soliciting stories, and the other provinces in Canada are watching Saskatchewan make policy changes. These truly are very exciting times!

With immense gratitude,
The Smiling Mask Team

Left to right ~ Carla, Tania and Elita

The Face of Depression

2010-04-12T12:40:00.013-06:00

Our team wanted to share a recent post on Sharon Piller's website as it eloquently depicts another face of Postpartum Depression. Please read on and pass along...

"Well I have to tell you this is not going to be an ordinary post for me because this wasn't an ordinary shoot. I was very fortunate to meet some extremely amazing people this past weekend. We had this baby shoot planned for a little bit now. Baby Parker is the most adorable, smiley, happy baby and he is now 5 months old. However, a few things happened when Parker was born to make his first few months on this earth less than ideal. He had very bad colic and to top it off, his wonderful first time mom Danielle fell into a very deep Postpartum Depression. Just in case you are wondering, I have Danielle's full approval to publish her story. In fact, she insisted." Read more here...

Danielle and Sharon...you don't know just how many lives you are saving!! Thanks SO much for sharing ~ http://valleyportraits.ca

Celebrate Forgiveness and Rebirth!

2010-04-02T13:47:00.003-06:00

Today, as we embark on a holiday that celebrates forgiveness and rebirth, I would like to encourage each mother who needs support to follow her heart, rest her pain and begin her own healing journey.

Whatever pain you endure and hold onto is a choice; that is whether you allow it to define your spirit. Choose to give life to hope, gratitude and you will receive abundance.

I would like to thank and honor my team and kindred friends Elita Paterson, Tania Bird and Peggy Collins, who have allowed me to achieve such growth and happiness in a short period of time.

We are works in progress, but our positive light has out-shined any of the dark days we endured. We also know that we are waves in the ocean. When one of us is struggling with a storm, the others are there to provide solace and refuge. Our shoreline is vast and endless, so are the possibilities of healing.

We are deeply proud to announce that we have been nominated for the YWCA Women of Distinction, Circle of Friends Category for 2010.
This achievement reflects our original mission to provide awareness, acceptance and assistance for mothers and families struggling with PPD.

We graciously thank our supporters for the nomination, as well as our ambassadors who believed in our dream to destroy the mask.

With love and light,

Carla O’Reilly, Elita Paterson and Tania Bird

The Smiling Mask-Documentary Premiere

2010-02-27T06:59:00.002-06:00

Now that our 40-minute documentary is complete, support the four Es with us: Education, Empowerment, Encouragement, and Empathy!

Join us as family, friends and ambassadors and be the first to witness our candid truths; heartbreaking, honest, and healing. "THE SMILING MASK: TRUTHS ABOUT POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION AND PARENTHOOD" DOCUMENTARY.

Filmmaker, and visionary, Dianne Ouellette - http://www.difilms.com has captured the raw emotions of three women and their husbands, as they battled severe Postpartum Depression. This poignant documentary will change they way you view marriage, parenthood and mental illness.
DATE: Thursday, March 11thth, 2010
TIME: Doors open at 6:30 pm / Documentary begins at 7:00 pm
LOCATION: Royal Saskatchewan Museum, 2445 Albert Street, Regina, SK> PRE-SALE TICKETS: $7.00 TICKETS AT THE DOOR: $10.00

Purchase tickets online at - www.thesmilingmask.com - and click on the "Order Now!" tab, or email us at info@thesmilingmask.com ! * Special pricing available of our book and DVD that evening: Book: $25.00 / DVD: $10.00 Read what one audience member had to say, and don’t miss your chance to advocate for a mother’s right to ask for help!

"This documentary creates a window for anyone whose mother, sister, aunt, cousin or friend experienced PPD; to understand the tug-o-war between the head and the heart, between love and fear for her child." - Jill Poulton, Mother & Success Coach

On one last note...we continue to support and invite others to donate to: Women's shelters, Mother and Baby Units, YMCA/YWCA and the Canadian Mental Health Association. With heartfelt gratitude and amazement! Carla O’Reilly, Elita Paterson and Tania Bird www.thesmilingmask.com>

Ebb & Flow

2010-02-16T20:29:00.002-06:00

To all of our followers, thank you for your time and interest!

As with all seasons, winter is a time for hibernation and personal reflection. To that end, we, The Smiling Mask Team, are taking a brief break with our blog.

If you are a follower please send in an entry and we will post. This is a wonderful opportunity for your voice.

Energetically, we are on the cusp of Spring and with that transition we need quiet time to sit, ponder, rest, reset and reflect. Spring brings with it new growth. As with nature, we ebb and flow.

We have many upcoming events that we need to get ready for. To that end, we do hope that our followers will brave the computer board and send us a posting.

Sincerely,

Carla, Elita and Tania
The Smiling Mask Team

Write your Child a Love Letter!

2010-02-12T20:00:00.002-06:00

In celebration of Valentine’s Day, take a moment to celebrate with crafts, cookies and write a special love letter to your child.

Devote this day to your family and jot down how special your child is to you, remind yourself of your success as a parent as your child thrives and grows with the love you have shared.

Make homemade cards for your child’s grandparents with stickers, markers, and glue, and don’t forget to make a batch of homemade brownies, cut out in heart shapes.

Follow this recipe for Cupids Best Brownies at Kraftcanada.com
http://www.kraftcanada.com/en/recipes/cupids-best-brownies-90252.aspx

Celebrate in love!

Carla O'Reilly
Author & Inspirational Speaker

A Parent's Love is Eternal

2010-01-31T07:13:00.002-06:00

The greatest gift we receive as parents is watching how our undying love is mirrored in our children’s values. If your family has suffered with PPD, it is important to look on the experience as a learning tool. Remember how strong you became because you wanted to be healthy for your children. As we all strive for perfection, our goal should be to love our child to the best of our capabilities. Show love, speak love and create love. Establish traditions with your children that will bring fond memories as they grow. Lastly allow yourself to feel true happiness when you say, “I love you honey”, and they say I love you to mommy.” Together your bond is eternal.

Carla O'Reilly
Author & Inspirational Speaker

Earthly Angels!

2010-01-23T15:15:00.002-06:00

My introduction to angels came in 2008, when I attended an informational session at the local library. I had the opportunity to meet with Bonnie Bogner, registered angel therapist. http://www.soulvibrations.ca. During my illness, my fears controlled my happiness and I forgot my ability to pray and ask for guidance and peace. Bonnie’s presence was ethereal, and I was instantly intrigued. I learned about thoughts of fear and thoughts of love and that all I had to do was ask my angels for help.

Reflecting back now I realized God was able to send me earthly angels throughout my journey. I know I was never really alone. While living in Oyen, I was blessed to live two doors down from a sweet loving Grandma. She welcomed me into her home and allowed me to share my illness; she loved my child like a grandson and always welcomed us into her home. We have stayed connected throughout the years and she encourages me to have faith in my beliefs.

In continuing with our gratitude theme, I suggest making a list of your own earthly angels who have come in when the world has gone out. I am sure you will find an endless list, make sure you connect with them, and nurture your relationships.

Carla O'Reilly
Author & Inspirational Speaker

21 Days to Spiritual Health-Gratitude!

2010-01-14T13:57:00.002-06:00

Gratitude. Appreciation. A simple thank you that is heartfelt. All emotions of love from the heart. May 2010 be the year, that we make gratitude part of our everyday experience. When we wake up, thankful for the wonderful day that is about to unfold. When we go to bed, reflection and gratitude on the people, actions, circumstances, and events.

The challenge is to make gratitude a daily habit. They say habits take 21 days to ingrain. For the next twenty-one days, lets try to keep a gratitude journal, listing three things every day we are grateful and appreciative of. Lets see what will happen?????

Maybe, just maybe, life might get a little lighter, a little bit more enjoyable, a little bit more free or it may just sweep us up in a tidal wave of abundance that surrounds us. This could be an an exercise, performed daily that consciously awakens each of us to the wonderful joy and beauty that surrounds us. Whether it is in our children, our friends, our work, or our homes. Yes, we have many a thing to be thankful and grateful for.

We three have made a commitment to create a gratitude habit. In the process, we have found another habit - one of happiness and contentment. Think about, try it, what do you have to lose? You have a lot to gain!

Tania Bird
Author & Inspirational Speaker

2010 is Going to be about more Positive Change!‏

2010-01-09T21:53:00.003-06:00

Dear Ambassadors,

We would graciously like to thank you for your tremendous support in the past two years! Your belief in our mission to create awareness, acceptance and assistance for women and men struggling with Postpartum Depression (PPD) has brought forth a widespread healing vibration, encouraging changes in our health care system, and providing increased initiatives both, provincially and federally. As reflected in 2009, we made many positive connections with mothers and fathers, and in turn healed ourselves. In fact, many mothers have come forward to share their own stories of hope and healing at http://www.thesmilingmask.com/page/showcasing_stories . We thoroughly encourage fathers to share their especially compelling stories.

Our goal for 2010 is to continue to destroy the stigma of PPD by promoting the four"E"s: Education, Encouragement, Empowerment, and Empathy. A very powerful, yet, simplistic strategy to ensure a healthy mother, healthy family and healthy community! We want to continue to spread our message, not only to PPD sufferers, but to anyone who is suffering from depression and anxiety, who is riddled with pain, guilt, shame or sadness. You always have the power of choice and the ability to pivot your thoughts and choose to heal. And...that first step is to know it's your birthright to ask for help!

We are also proud to acknowledge the heart and care demonstrated by the health care providers and mothers who attended, listened and formed the"Call for Action" regarding further education and support for families struggling with PPD. The "Call for Action" has now been included in and our team has been invited to participate in the newly formed provincial working group, "Maternal Mental Health: Building Capacity in Saskatchewan." This group was created by Dr. Angela Bowen of theUniversity of Saskatchewan to propel policy change! More information will be sent out, soon.

We would love to hear from you at to share your own stories of healing, or how you have helped someone else struggling with depression, or if you could simply use a shoulder to lean on.

And, if you have missed us, please take a moment to listen to our stories of healing showcased at the successful “2009 Unmasking Postpartum Depression”conference, held in Regina, SK athttp://www.thesmilingmask.com/page/what_to_do_-_what_worked_for_them_guide!

With immense Gratitude!

Carla O’Reilly, Elita Paterson & Tania Bird
www.thesmilingmask.com

Wishing Our Ambassadors Peace and Love...

2009-12-20T18:36:00.003-06:00

To all of our wonderful Ambassadors:

Thoughts for this Christmas Season...this poem is from the “Simple Abundance – A Daybook of Comfort and Joy” book.

We hope that you enjoy.

On the first day of Christmas, I gave to my true loves: the gift of my undivided attention.
On the second day of Christmas, I gave to my true loves: the gift of enthusiasm.
On the third day of Christmas, I gave to my true loves: the gift of creative energy.
On the fourth day of Christmas, I gave to my true loves: the gift of simple seasonal pleasures.
On the fifth day of Christmas, I gave to my true loves: the gift of tenderness.
On the sixth day of Christmas, I gave to my true loves: the gift of good cheer.
On the seventh day of Christmas, I gave to my true loves: the gift of beauty.
On the eighth day of Christmas, I gave to my true loves: the gift of communication.
On the ninth day of Christmas, I gave to my true loves: the gift of surprise.
On the tenth day of Christmas, I gave to my true loves: the gift of wonder.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, I gave to my true loves: the gift of peaceful surroundings.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, I gave to my true loves: the gift of joy.

We wish you the very best that this holiday has to offer – gifts, cheer, memories, laughter, hugs, joy and peace. May you experience these wonderful things throughout 2010!

The Smiling Mask Team

The First Step Towards Healing

2009-12-12T19:10:00.002-06:00

With any depression, fear and negativity can consume you. Personally after my psychosis, I kept my illness a secret until the point where I believed suicide was the only answer. My only saving grace was that my son would be left grieving his mother and I would lose every future experience of his life and growth. This stopped my desperate act and I made the choice to use my voice and ask for help.

The first step towards healing is the most frightening but also the most freeing. When you enter into the abyss of enlightenment and forgiveness –the small problems that hold us hostage are destroyed.

You hold the key to healing, open the door and realize the power that is within you, we all have gifts and each of us needs to shine!

Carla O'Reilly
Author and Inspirational Speaker

The Healing Hands of Time

2009-12-05T22:44:00.004-06:00

I cannot help but look back and remember my struggle with Postpartum Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. When I reflect back to the secret illness and the nightmare of my thoughts, I confess that all my heartaches have diminished. Time heals all wounds!

Although, I did not think I would survive, I am finally at peace with all that has transcended. Together, with three angels, Elita Paterson, Tania Bird and Peggy Collins, we brought this illness out of the closet and gave a face for mothers to connect to.

Today, I give my friends, family, and our ambassadors, who stood by and cheered, a token of gratitude. Many earthly angels, along the way, supported me and I am a true believer of God's Power. He surrounded me in my darkest hours and carried me even when I had stopped believing. We are all connected, and Heaven is among us!

Carla O'Reilly

Our Greatest Achievements: Healing Ourselves and Others!

2009-11-30T21:32:00.003-06:00

We were honoured to attend the Saskatchewan Book Awards on November 28th and be among our Province’s most talented writers and poets!

There were 83 entrants in the category of The Readers' Choice Award, and, although, we did not win, we were delighted to be among the eight books, shortlisted! Thank you to all our Ambassadors who, again, supported The Smiling Mask!

Our achieved goals have far surpassed our grandest dreams to educate and connect with empathy.

We realize that we are "pacifist activists" in the truest sense of the words. Together, along with our Ambassadors, we have destroyed the stigma of PPD. The message of healing has allowed us to heal ourselves.

With that said, here are Tania's reflections, before the evening even began. We hope that you enjoy this entry!

I am so proud of the three of us. I am pleased that Elita agreed to write and did not delay in her response. I am pleased tha,t Carla, after four years of struggle, found it within herself to heal, thrive and be well. I am pleased that we have been able to talk in front of groups rather effortlessly, candidly and easily.

I am pleased that Elita is following a lifestyle that provides her with more energy and vitality - it is inspirational.

I am pleased that Carla can watch Cameron by herself, even overnight, which I know took tremendous courage and conviction. I am pleased as I witness us parenting our children, with grace and ease.

I am pleased to watch Carla come into her own with confidence, self-esteem and worth. I am pleased that all three of us took risks, felt the fear, and did it anyways.

I am pleased at myself for pursuing my dreams and desires and not accepting the norm - the traditional way of life.

It does not matter whether we win this award or not. It does not matter if we speak ever to a crowd of families and women, again, or not. It does not matter if we ever write again or not. It does not matter....what matters most is that we accomplished this with integrity, being true to ourselves and brutally honest. What matters is that have we have healed from the crisis of PPD and now are healing ourselves, fully - mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally. What matters is that our friendship has moved to a place of real and unconditional acceptance, love and empathy. I admire each of us for that.

So, if we win, we win. If we don't win, we win! Let’s take this evening to celebrate on the past year of accomplishments, both as entrepreneurs with a mission to heal others and more importantly, personally.

In love and light,
Tania Bird

Give Every Mother the Gift of the Four Es: Education, Empowerment, Encouragement, and Empathy

2009-11-20T19:30:00.004-06:00

On Wednesday, November the 18th, 6 years almost to the day of my own son's birth, I became an Auntie! I am so excited and, more importantly, proud of my sister.

After a long and grueling labour, she has begun her journey as a mother! While I waited with anticipation to congratulate her, I thought about my own experience. Although, I endured severe Postpartum Psychosis, I healed after writing The Smiling Mask and am now able to see my experience as a gift to help other mothers. When I actually spoke to my sister, I told her all the things every mother should hear...

"I am so proud of you!"
"You're an amazing mom!"
"You are so strong!"
"I love you!"

All mothers deserve and need the four Es. Give these gifts first before flowers: Education, Empowerment, Encouragement, and Empathy!

I am tickled pink to have the new role of Auntie, and excited to be there for my sister!

Carla O'Reilly

Gratitude Journal

2009-11-14T11:23:00.003-06:00

The choice to be healthy, ultimately, lies within you. Anyone can heal themselves, although, if someone would have shared this revelation with me four years ago, I would have ignored the advice.

One lesson I have learned, is everyone heals, differently, and on their own time. In order to help others, we have to allow the person to grieve, and just be available to provide support, empathetically. And, we can only help others as much as we've healed ourselves.

As the three of us used different tools to heal, one that has helped is the feeling of gratitude for all that we have. A suggestion that is therapeutic, fun, and freeing, is to begin a gratitude journal. Jot down notes at the end of the day of everything that you are grateful for. When you look at everything and everyone with love, you will only receive love, back.

Journal, pray, and dream about the world you are grateful for, and your healing will begin.

Carla O’Reilly

Moose Jaw's Mom's Wellness Group

2009-11-07T19:51:00.004-06:00

To create further support for mothers in Moose Jaw, we have created a Mom’s Wellness Group. Our mission is to educate, empower, encourage and support mothers who may be struggling with Postpartum Depression.

WHERE:YMCA KidsFirst Family Center at 679 Hall Street in Moose Jaw, Sk
WHEN: The 2nd and 4th Sundays of every month from 1:30-3:00.

One of the misconceptions of PPD is that you have to be diagnosed, and that it must be severe to seek help. The Smiling Mask Team’s mission is to encourage mothers to seek treatment and support from the medical community and join a PPD support group where they will find empathy from other mothers.

The most important step towards becoming healthy is to forgive yourself, and use your voice to ask for help!

As a circle of sisters we need to surround and support each other. Encourage your friends to visit http://www.thesmilingmask.com/

Carla O'Reilly

Postpartum Support and Prevention Plan

2009-10-31T07:55:00.005-06:00

One of the missions of The Smiling Mask Team is to pay it forward and proactively educate. To this end, we continue to speak to create awareness surrounding Postpartum Depression. We are now educating at the YMCA prenatal classes in Moose Jaw. The most important message that we are advocating for is to seek help as soon as the mother feels she is suffering.

We have also created a Postpartum Depression Prevention Plan on our website, like the popular Birth plan, this tool helps a mother create a contingency plan in case of the onset of PPD symptoms. Having suffered, ourselves, and realizing that often mothers can’t summon the words to explain how they are feeling, we created a color-code system. We also suggest that mothers choose a support person who they can call upon to apply the code. We are also encouraging pregnant mothers to flag themselves using the risk factors listed in the prevention plan and to screen themselves at two weeks with the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale. Ultimately, taking responsibility for our own health is the number one prevention tool to destroy Postpartum Depression!

Carla O'Reilly

Two articles you will want to read...

2009-10-27T13:45:00.004-06:00

Make sure you also check out the videos at the end of this article, Getting help for postpartum depression written by Valerie Whiffen of the Globe and Mail. And, bravo to Julie Cugalj for bringing to light her experience When motherhood isn't a joy written by André Picard of the Globe and Mail.

Provincial project improving the health of families!

2009-10-27T09:49:00.006-06:00

Dr. Angela Bowen of the University of Saskatchewan, recently, wrote this newsletter that we are more than thrilled to share!

Maternal Mental Health Strategy: Building Capacity for Saskatchewan

Maternal Depression is an increasingly urgent health problem.1 According to the World Health Organization depression is the number one cause of disability in women worldwide.2 Up to 20% of women may experience depression in pregnancy or postpartum.3 We have reported that 29.5% of Saskatchewan high-risk pregnant women are depressed.4 Women depressed in pregnancy are at risk for further and more severe depressions, such as postpartum depression. Untreated it can lead to psychosis, homicide, and suicide.5-7

Andrea Yates, the Texas mother who drowned her 5 children, and incidentally was a Registered Nurse, raised awareness of postpartum depression and psychosis.8 While they may not have made the headlines, sadly, we have had maternal suicides in Saskatchewan and only a few years ago a new mother attempted to kill her 3 young children.

While death is the gravest outcome of untreated maternal depression, there are other potentially deleterious effects, particularly during pregnancy. Women who are depressed are more likely to use alcohol, drugs, and tobacco and are less likely to have adequate prenatal care.9-11 Their pregnancies are more likely to end prematurely and have obstetrical complications11 and their babies are at increased risk for lower Apgar scores, lower birthweight, less frequency and shorter duration of breastfeeding.11-13 Children of mothers who are depressed are more likely to experience growth, attachment, psychological, behavioural, and developmental problems than children of mothers not depressed.14-16

Increased awareness and early identification can promote primary prevention and optimal treatment. British Columbia has a framework for prenatal and postpartum depression screening and care17 and BestStart in Ontario held a postpartum depression campaign in 2007-8.18 There has been increased awareness in Saskatchewan through a recent conference “Unmasking Postpartum Depression” in Regina, but we need to make a difference for individual women and their families.

The Maternal Mental Health Strategy: Building Capacity in Saskatchewan is a project that is funded through research funds from the Royal Bank of Canada (RBC) Community Development Fund at the University of Saskatchewan in partnership with the Saskatchewan Prevention Institute and the Health Quality Council, and with support from the Saskatchewan Public Health and Psychiatric Associations. Our goal is to increase the capacity to identify and support women at risk for mental health problems in Saskatchewan. The strategy includes an awareness campaign and engaging women and stakeholders to make policy recommendations to the Government of Saskatchewan.

Depression is treatable; however, too many women suffer in silence, unsure of what they are experiencing and too frightened to tell anyone. Increasing our capacity to identify and support these women will help to improve the health of families in Saskatchewan.

References:
1. WHO. Women’s Mental Health: A Public Health Concern . Accessed 2006. WHO, 2006.
2. Allen LA, Woolfolk RL, Escobar JI, Gara MA, Hamer RM. Cognitive-behavioral therapy for somatization disorder: a randomized controlled trial. Arch Intern Med. 2006;166( Arch Intern Med. 2006 Jul 24;166(14):1512-8.):1512-8.
3. Marcus SM, Flynn HA, Blow FC, Barry KL. Depressive symptoms among pregnant women screened in obstetrics settings. Journal of Women's Health. 2003;12(4):373-80.
4. Bowen A, Stewart N, Baetz M, Muhajarine N. Antenatal depression in socially high-risk women in Canada Accessed doi:10.1136/jech.2008.078832, 2009.
5. Blazer DG. Mood disorders: Epidemiology. In: Sadock BJ, Sadock VA (eds). Comprehensive textbook of psychiatry. Volume 1. Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins, 1999:1298-308.
6. Heron J, O'Connor TG, Evans J, Golding J, Glover V, O'Connor TG. The course of anxiety and depression through pregnancy and the postpartum in a community sample. Journal of Affecive Disorders. 2004 May;80(1):65-73.
7. Morris-Rush JK, Freda MC, PS B. Screening for postpartum depression in an inner-city population. Am J Obstet Gynecol. 2003 May;188(5):5217-9.
8. Wikepedia. Andrea Pia Yates . Accessed 2004 February 6. Wikepedia.
9. Kahn RS, Zuckerman B, Bauchner H, Homer CJ, Wise PH. Women's health after pregnancy and child outcomes at age 3 years: a prospective cohort study. Am J Pub Hlth. 2002;92(8):1312-8.
10. Bonari L, Bennett H, Einarson A, Koren G. Risks of untreated depression during pregnancy <>. Accessed 2004 May 1. Motherisk Update, 2004.
11. Chung TKH, Lau K, Yip ASK, Chiu HFK, Lee DTS. Antepartum depressive symptomatology is associated with adverse obstetric and neonatal outcomes. Psychosomatic Medicine. 2001;63(5):830-4.
12. Hellin D, Waller G. Mother's mood and infant feeding: Prediction of problems and practices. Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology. 1992;10:39-51.
13. Zuckerman B, Bauchner H, Parker S, Cabral H. Maternal depressive symptoms during pregnancy and newborn irritability. J Dev Behav Pediatr. 1990;11(4):190-4.
14. Murray L, Cooper PJ (eds). Intergenerational transmission of affective and cognitive processes associated with depression: infancy and the pre-school year. Oxford: Oxford University Press; 2003. 17-42. p.
15. O'Connor TG, Heron J, Golding J, Beveridge M, Glover V. Maternal antenatal anxiety and children's behavioural/emotional problems at 4 years: Report from the Avon Longitudinal Study of Parents and Children. British Journal of Psychiatry. 2002;180:502-8.
16. Wilkerson DS, Volpe AG, Dean RS, Titus JB. Perinatal complications as predictors of infantile autism. International Journal of Neuroscience. 2002 Sep;9(112):1085-98.
17. BC Reproductive Mental Health Program. Addressing Perinatal Depression: A framework for BC's Health Authorities <>. Accessed. Ministry of Health, Victoria BC, 2006.
18. Dawson H. Postpartum Mood Disorders Provincial Public Awareness Campaign “Life with a new baby is not always what you expect” Toronto: Best Start Resource Centre 2008

The Readers' Choice Award and the AWHONN Conference!

2009-10-24T12:38:00.003-06:00

We asked and you voted! Our book, "The Smiling Mask: Truths about Postpartum Depression and Parenthood," has been shortlisted for the Readers' Choice Award!

The Saskatchewan Book Award's Gala will be held on Saturday, November 28th at the Conexus Arts Centre in Regina, Saskatchewan. After nearly a year of launching our book, we have been welcomed with open arms by communities across Canada and the United States. Our connections with mothers, sisters, friends and grandmothers speak volumes about the stigma attached to PPD.

After speaking at the 2009 AWOHNN (Association of Women’s Health, Obstetrics, and Neonatal Nurses) Conference in Winnipeg, Manitoba on October 15th 2009, we again received positive feedback and one of the attendees shared, “Hearing your personal testimonies gives a human face to this illness. No textbook can provide that level of awareness.” The beauty of this shared experience is that we also learn from the nurses on the front lines. We admire their knowledge and belief in valuing continuing education surrounding PPD!

Carla O'Reilly

Tracy Houk did it!

2009-10-21T11:51:00.004-06:00

Our team had the pleasure of representing postpartum disorders, when educating families who attended the Regina Family Expo this past weekend! This time we had the distinct pleasure of sharing a table with Tracy Houk of Regina, SK who recently published her first beautiful book, "The Day I Gave Birth!" Her book provides genuine stories of personal insight into the labour and delivery experiences of 45 women. It's beautiful, please check out her blog at http://thedayigavebirth.blogspot.com!

The afternoon was spent with her first introducing her book and then we would take over by saying, "Our book is about what can happen to up to 1 in 4 women after having birth! Allow us to further educate and make you aware and put you at ease. There are supports in place; it's a matter of learning them!" You get the picture...it was a fabulous day :)

Elita

Conference & documentary update...

2009-10-10T19:38:00.003-06:00

The Unmasking Postpartum Depression conference went beyond our wildest expectations! We were thrilled with the attendance, participation from everyone and passion from which the medical community spoke. It was evident by the enthusiasm in the room that change will occur in our jobs, community and approach to Postpartum Disorders. Education combined with empathy will have a positive impact to mothers, fathers and families suffering. The end result will have a positive and affirming impact on our children, our future!

We also had the opportunity to sneak-a-peak at our 40-minute documentary that serves as a resource for families and medical professionals. It was an absolute delight to be viewing it for the first time, surrounded by family and friends! Here's some of what our audience had to say…

Hearing the voices of those who experienced PPD first hand brings a new dimension to the illness and their stories. Seeing the raw emotion and the hope of healing with both the women who lived it and the husbands who stood by them helps the viewer gain perspective and insight. This is a must see for all couples as a testament to "in sickness and in health", and how love and courage mixed with hope can heal. This documentary creates a window for anyone whose mother, sister, aunt, cousin or friend experienced PPD; to understand the tug-o-war between the head and the heart, between love and fear for her child.
- Jill Poulton, Mother, Motivational Speaker, and Success Coach

Although the stories told in the film were familiar to me, having already read the excellent book, I was struck by the visceral impact of the images and the emotions presented. Even the most innocuous photograph of a mother and her baby is replete with meaning, and the images presented in "The Smiling Mask", accompanied by their stories of overwhelming confusion and despair, become a heart-breaking dichotomy of joy and sorrow. Fortunately, the film's message of hope rises above all of its pain, and assures sufferers of PPD that they are not alone, and never were. I recommend this film to any person with least spark of empathy in their soul.
- Dan Carr, Father and Web Developer

The documentary will be available for December, so purchase your copy, now, for the pre-sale price of $9.95, at www.thesmilingmask.com and promote Education, Empowerment, Encouragement and Empathy!

Carrie's Courage

2009-10-08T16:58:00.003-06:00

Thank you for choosing to share you story Carrie, why do you think it is important?
I think speaking out about my experiences with Postpartum Depression (PPD) is important because I believe I can help other women going through a similar situation. I want to give other women and their families hope, and let them know that if I can overcome this illness, twice, then they can, too. I want to help unveil the mask so that other women won't go through what I did.

What were your symptoms like? How long did you suffer before seeking help?
With my first baby I was very anxious. I vomited a lot, had loss of appetite and lost a lot of weight. I was so worried that something was going to happen to my daughter. I feared that she would die. My daughter was colicky and cried a lot, so I was so worried about her and wondered what was wrong. I didn't get many breaks and I cried a lot, too; felt very depressed, and had trouble going to sleep at night. I used to dread the nights because I knew that I wouldn't get much sleep. My sleep deprivation caused more anxiety and depression. I also didn't want to be alone with my baby because I felt I couldn't look after her properly. I felt like an unfit mother, with the lack of sleep and with the level of anxiety I was experiencing.
With my second baby I knew that the chances of having PPD, again, were up to 80%. I felt fine for the first two weeks. I had my mom stay for two weeks to help, but after she went home my daughter became colicky and didn't sleep much. I was more depressed the second time, but the anxiety wasn't as bad.

What did you do in order to get help and why do you think it was so important for your family?
The first time I had PPD it took me three months to finally get medical help. I had heard about Postpartum Depression, but I didn't think it would happen to me. I also thought my sickness was because my daughter was colicky and I wasn't getting much sleep. That was part of it, but once my daughter was out of the colicky phase, I was still feeling the same symptoms. I went to see my doctor and she put me on an anti-depressant called “Paxil.” Unfortunately, it took awhile for the medication to work. I also joined a Postpartum Support Group at the YMCA and met three wonderful women who were going through postpartum difficulties, as well. We met once a week at the YMCA for the group and also started going out for coffee, afterwards. We also met for walks in the morning. I believe that talking to other women who were going through the same postpartum difficulties was the number one healing factor for me. The scheduled walks helped, as well because they gave me an outing to look forward to every week. Scheduling these walks helped me get out of the house and not make excuses why I couldn't go, and the endorphins released from the exercise made me feel good. After a month, of being on the anti-depressants, they finally started working and helped me feel more, emotionally, stable. I also joined a Women's Bible discussion group and found faith, again, in the Lord. I started praying often and read a lot of daily devotionals with other women.
The second time I experienced PPD, I went on the anti-depressant right away, but it still took a while to start working. I asked for help more, this time around, but it was still hard to do. Help was definitely a must because I had two small kids to take care of. It was much harder to get out of the house and go for walks this time with my girls so I talked to my friends, Carla, Tania, Cheryl and Elita, a lot on the phone. I also read Carla, Tania and Elita's book, The Smiling Mask: Truths about Postpartum Depression and Parenthood, which helped me stay positive and focused. Their stories of heartache and healing reminded me, again, that "this too shall pass" and I will be so much stronger for going through PPD. The "Strategies for Mothers with Postpartum Depression" section of their book really helped, as well. This information gave me strategies to practice and it really kept me moving forward with my healing journey. I read the book The Secret, as well, and it helped me learn how to think positive and gave me knowledge on how positive thinking is really powerful.

What steps did you take with your second pregnancy that was different from your first?
My husband and I hired a doula to assist us with the labour and delivery. That was the best thing I could have done for my family. During my second pregnancy we took hypno-birthing classes and our doula came out and taught us how to relax and do breathing exercises. These breathing exercises helped me relax during my pregnancy and were very beneficial during the labour and delivery. I had a much more positive and natural birthing experience with my second birth because of the preparation work and learning to breathe, properly. I never had an epidural this time around and had every intention not to get one. My delivery was much shorter and less work. I also had my doula and husband, right by my side, supporting me every step of the way. It was a very euphoric feeling after giving birth to her and I felt so much better the second time around.

What lessons have your learned from your healing that are positive for your family?
I have learned that going through Postpartum Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. I am using my voice that God gave me to help other women to speak out, as well. I have learned that being healthy in body, mind and spirit is very important for a mother to have, especially when looking after a newborn baby and other children. If the mother isn't happy and healthy, then the children and husband won't be either. I need to look after my body and mind by getting rest when I can, and ask for help. It “takes a village to raise a child,” and in other cultures and countries they have a whole village or community to help them. I have grown a lot in spirit by having complete faith in God and I know that He will take care of me if I let Him. I have learned to think positive and to count my blessings and be grateful for everything in my life. It takes practice, but it really is the key to happiness. I surround myself and family with other people that are spiritual and positive, as well, so I have help staying positive and keeping my faith.
If your daughters ever suffer from a mental illness how will you help them? What do you think is important for them to know, right now?
If my daughters ever suffer from any kind of mental illness, I would want them to be educated on the signs and symptoms of depression, and let them know that I will always be there for them to help them in any way I can. I would let them know that it is important to get some kind of medical help, or to talk to someone as soon as possible, so it can be dealt with right away and not escalate. I also want them to know other strategies that can help to overcome PPD. They should know that they should never be ashamed of a mental illness or for asking for help. They would be very courageous and smart for doing so. What I think is important for them to know, now, is to pray to God and give thanks for all they are blessed with. They need to be grateful for everything, and to not take anything for granted. I believe educating them on body, mind and spirit, now, will be key in helping them and, hopefully, preventing them from developing a mental illness. I want them to surround themselves with friends that are positive influences in their lives.
My experience with PPD has really helped me grow in body, mind and spirit and I've met a lot of wonderful and amazing women along my journey. I will continue to grow and pass all the knowledge onto my girls!

If you feel compelled to become an ambassador by showcasing your courage on our website www.thesmilingmask.com, please feel free to contact us, we would be most honoured to showcase your story. If you have more ideas on how the message of hope and healing can get around our world…contact us at info@thesmilingmask.com! Make a difference, today, by speaking out loud the valuable lessons you just learned. Even print and share this interview for others to read! ~ Carla O’Reilly, Elita Paterson & Tania Bird

How Nicole Marr is removing the mask of PPD!

2009-09-04T12:03:00.006-06:00

Not only will we be featuring Nicole's story on our blog, it will also be honoured on our website! She's done such an exceptional job of describing what PPD felt like to her. I feel the more we share our experiences, we will realize that they all may be different, but the feelings are certainly the same. Through all this sharing and realizing, I'm hoping that a person will find the will to heal. Please allow me to begin sharing Nicole's story that can also be found on her blog at http://grudgemom.wordpress.com ...

Removing the Mask
September 2, 2009

For lack of a better title, I will borrow that from "The Smiling Mask."

What is The Smiling Mask? It’s a book about postpartum depression and parenting. I can’t say too much more than that as I’m just waiting for my copy to get here for me to read it. More importantly, the smiling mask is what you do when you are faced with postpartum depression, or any depression for that matter. You put on a smile and keep pushing through your day, no matter what is thrown at you. Even if people around you know you are affected by depression, you put on your mask just to be able to function. If you don’t put your smiling mask on in the morning, getting out of bed would be just about the hardest thing you’ve ever done. And if you have a family, a spouse and children, who are depending on you, that mask takes on Atlas-heavy proportions.

Notice I said ’spouse?’ Postpartum depression doesn’t just affect women. Moms may have hormones trying to do them in, but dads have many of the same issues as moms do after a baby is born. The huge change in lifestyle, the sleeplessness, the dependency of the baby and even the dependency of mom contribute to dad’s irritability, lack of sense of humor, anxiety, or insomnia – just to name a few effects. The Journal of Advanced Nursing published a study in 2004 that found that

During the first postpartum year, the incidence of paternal depression ranged from 1.2% to 25.5% in community samples, and from 24% to 50% among men whose partners were experiencing postpartum depression. Maternal depression was identified as the strongest predictor of paternal depression during the postpartum period.¹

So now that we’ve established that both men and women can have postpartum depression, what does it mean, and what do we do about it? PPD is scary. I don’t mean the “call protective services” kind of scary – although that is a possibility and does happen in some cases. And it’s not “call suicide intervention” kind of scary – again a possibility and a reality. But your personal mental state is altered. Thoughts and feelings are in your mind that you don’t recognize. You don’t understand where they’re coming from or why you feel the way you do. It’s like you don’t know yourself anymore. If you don’t know yourself, how is your spouse expected to follow this “change” in you and to keep up, and cover for you or take care of you. And what kind of parent thinks these kinds of thoughts? And why can’t I just make them STOP! See? It’s scary.

Instead of facing scary, we put on our smiling mask and go about our day. Inside, we’re sitting in a corner crying. But on the outside we’re greeting friends, and tying kids’ shoelaces, and packing spouses’ lunches and kissing them goodbye. And no one ever understands what we’re going through behind that mask.

Why don’t we take off the mask and show them? Why don’t we just tell everyone what’s going on inside us? Wouldn’t that be the obvious solution? But we don’t want to be ridiculed or scorned. We don’t want it to be blown off and belittled. And if I hear “Suck it up, princess” one more time…

PPD and all other types of depression are so much more prevalent than any study could find. There are people like me who think they can just deal with it themselves. There are people who try to get help and just can’t find access to it. Sometimes the help doesn’t come fast enough. Mostly though, people who are depressed just get blown off. They are told it’s not bad enough, they’re “mildly” depressed, it’s just the baby blues, or countless other variations of these.

Personally, I think those scorecards need to change. The surveys that you get asked at every well-baby visit, on every anti-depressant’s website, in your Cosmo magazine. They’ve set the depression bar too high, and it needs to be brought back down. It doesn’t matter if you’re slightly depressed or in a major depressive episode. Your ability to cope with it should be all that matters. If you are overwhelmed by depression, it means you can’t handle it yourself anymore. The kind of help you get can vary from person to person. But being overwhelmed means you need help.

Maybe if medical professionals started treating all forms of depression as a debilitating illness, there would be less stigma attached to it. Maybe if they said they could help with the baby blues instead of just telling you to get more support from family and friends. Maybe if dads weren’t laughed at for having postpartum depression. Maybe if moms with a little bit of depression weren’t shooed out the door to make way for someone else with something else “more important.” So many maybe’s.

Next time someone tells you they’re a little down, a little sad, a little depressed – ask them if you can hold their mask for a little while. Give them a hug. Tell them you love them. And ask them what you can do.

Thank you for telling your truth; for being real; for being brave. Here’s to a woman of change!

Elita

Nutritional & Emotional Health linked to Depression

2009-08-26T09:55:00.005-06:00

In all my poking around regarding nutrition linked with depression, diabetes, cancer and other diseases, I've come across this incredibly supportive and knowledgeable doctor ~ Dr. Mark Hyman ~ http://ultrawellness.com. I'll be nurturing and supporting my body on September 15th, 2009 for seven days and ask, "After you've read for yourself how we have the power to heal ourselves, would you like to join me and hundreds of others?"

I continue to be excited for the healing possibilities!
Elita

Canadian Angels by your side

2009-07-21T16:38:00.002-06:00

When I arrived home from work, I was joyful to see an ethereal package ~ an angel reminder. Author, Karen Forrest had connected with Elita Paterson and myself to tell our stories in her upcoming book Canadian Angels: By your side. As I flipped through the book and recalled my interview, I was refreshed by all that we had overcome in the year, past. Through our beliefs to destroy the mask of Postpartum Depression, we had encouraged many mothers to heal. Through the gift of serving we had also forgiven ourselves. By surrounding ourselves with angelic influence: cards, music, therapy, and our friends, we were able to release our demons. We were no longer prisoners to the negative thoughts or energies. You have the power to choose fear or love. We chose love and our worlds have exploded with Angels everywhere! Visit Karen Forrest’s website for more information on this book ~ www.karenforrest.com!

Forgive Yourself ~ Release Your Fears

2009-07-19T14:16:00.004-06:00

Living with Postpartum Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for four years was in retrospect an incessant nightmare. My motherhood was robbed and replaced by torment, shame and sadness.

I was plagued by "visions" of harming my child on a hourly basis and I sought to escape them. Unfortunately, this meant searching for time from my son. When I came to the realization that I had the power to control my demons and replace them with angels, my heart floated towards healing. I released the guilt and began to believe in my power. I knew in my heart of hearts that I loved my son and that my fears where just thoughts. I replaced the nightmares with dreams; dreams to encourage others who were suffering to destroy their own masks.

In my journey, what I encountered with my son was his absence of fear. He was not afraid of anything. He was confident, bright, outspoken, and already knew his own power. I smile everyday as I watch him continue to enlighten me. I know in my heart that my choice to speak and share created healing within him. The most beautiful thing is when he says "Mommy you're beautiful and sparkly!" My spirit is finally shining, and the most important person is recognizing it.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

Love how the Universe works!

2009-07-15T09:35:00.011-06:00

Earlier this month Isla Harvey from Barcroft Media in the UK had asked if we would like to be interviewed so that she could promote our book and spread the awareness even more on her side of the Atlantic! Of course we didn't hesitate ;) But then her supervisor said she would have to interview a Mom in the UK who has or is suffering from Postpartum Psychosis - makes good sense. Well, my very next email was from Elaine Hanzak from THE UK!!! A Mother who went through Puerperal Psychosis, the most severe form of “postnatal depression,” and chose to educate, empower and encourage other Moms to step forward to heal, too. She approached us to ask if we could exchange links on our websites so, together, we could spread the awareness even further!! Please...check out her website http://www.hanzak.com where you'll learn how she's positively affecting health professionals, mothers and family support groups plus corporations! Then there's her blog that is constantly being updated with pertinent information http://elainehanzak.blogspot.com!! We feel honoured to have connected with Elaine who is now thriving and changing the world for the better! Thank you for choosing to live your life purpose, Elaine - BIG hugs!

Two marvelous women we would like to draw your attention to...

2009-06-28T16:24:00.013-06:00

Mariahadessa Ekere Tallie is a poet, writer, educator, New Yorker and world-wanderer ~ http://www.ekeretallie.com/bio.htm. And...Dana Leggett, a radical feminist mama of three from Winnipeg, Manitoba whose hope is to show vulnerabilty through art ~ http://yoniart-dana.blogspot.com. Carla, Tania and I met these women, among 83 others in NYC, who truly touched our hearts. You must check out their sites as they will also affect you in ways where you're so thankful to have met them, too! Thank you Mariahadessa and Dana for following your truths and igniting such beauty and generosity. Gratefully...!

Our "Unmasking Postpartum Depression" Conference!

2009-06-27T15:28:00.013-06:00

Claire Belanger-Parker of CNT Group Management Inc. asked us at our book launch in November if we were ready for our first PPD conference, and...we haven't look back since!! We are very proud to present our conference website http://www.cntgrp.ca/unmaskingppd for all the information you will need to register and participate in our "Call For Action!!" Here's to moving forward!

Much more awareness for Postpartum Mood Disorders and Mental Health all around!!

2009-06-23T11:03:00.006-06:00

As Pamela Cowan, a writer for the LeaderPost in Regina, SK, put it to me, The more people we can get going to our website and picking up the paper, the stronger a message we are sending to the powers that be that mental health is an important issue worth following. Thanks for your help. We would like to draw your attention to a 7-part series on Mental Health awareness, our stories being one of those articles...The Nightmare of Postpartum Psychosis, and New Dads not exempt from Depression.

Our world is most definitely moving forward!! Now...keep it going by sharing these links on your facebook page, on your twitter account, on digg.com, on your blog and the other social networks I haven't mentioned!! This is how positive change happens!

The Silent Heroes: Our Husbands

2009-06-19T21:55:00.005-06:00

"The best way out is always through" ~ Robert Frost

In our darkness, when there seemed no hope in sight, our husbands stood by our sides. With sadness, anger and hopelessness surrounding our spirits, they remained resilient and never gave up hope.

During incredible periods of stress, they continued to work, look after their children, and manage the household. After reflecting back on our struggles, it is undeniable how much love they demonstrated for their families!

In celebration of Father's Day, we would like to thank our husbands for their support; not only during the darkness but for encouraging us to enter the light and bring forward healing for many families, including our own.

We would like to encourage all father's to seek assistance during Postpartum difficulties and know that they are not alone. Supports are available in the community, and education should be a priority when becoming a parent.

When you almost lose the things that matter most, you realize how little the problems really are - family, love and health are the most important ~ Excerpt from The Husbands' Perspectives: Darren's Truth

With much love and gratitude!

In Memory of My Friend and her Daughter...I will continue to honour their light!

2009-06-10T19:31:00.010-06:00

*****
This is The Smiling Mask's first interview, and it definitely demonstrates the need for empathy and education surrounding Postpartum Mood Disorders. As co-authors of “The Smiling Mask,” our mission is to encourage women to forgive themselves and reach out for assistance. We want to express our deepest gratitude for Terra Brockett for sharing her story and in turn honouring her dear friend, Jen and Jen's daughter.

*****

In memory of your friend, what can you tell us about her before the illness? What sparked your friendship, what are some beautiful things you remember about her?

It’s funny because Jen really amazed me in so many ways. She was a positive, open minded, energetic woman. She had a strong ethics and refused to do anything that went against her sense of right. As an academic, she graduated at the top of her class with a psychology degree from Ehwa Women’s University, one of the top universities in South Korea. As an ESL teacher, she loved being around children and her students loved her because of the relationships she developed with them. She could dance and sing like Jennifer Lopez and was naturally athletic which meant she’d play any sport someone would invite her to play. She was not afraid to try anything. She had her own sense of fashion and somehow really pulled off outfits that I am not sure you could find on any runway. I remember last summer when she spent a few weeks with us, how she was with my baby girl. There was a moment when I thought to myself that she was just a whole different level of parent as my daughter, who was always hard to settle, just cooed and laid there relaxed in her arms. She also had this effect on me. She was comforting.

How did the illness change her, and what did her symptoms look like?

I only know bits and pieces but my impression is that anxiety and fear literally ran her life. She was anxious about a lot of things, but mostly about her daughter’s health. She really thought there was something wrong with her daughter. This anxiety dictated everything she did from multiple visits to the doctor to isolating herself by not leaving the “safety” of the house or letting people in to visit. Her fears made her feel like she could not trust anyone else to take care of her daughter. Her husband was not able to step in for any of the everyday parenting things like feedings or diaper changes. This of course meant greater struggle for Jen because she was doing even more work on less sleep. It was also a struggle for her husband who did his best to be involved and really wanted to take care of the baby and help her through this.

Was she aware of the illness, and was she able to share this with you?

Her husband had done a lot of research when she started to show signs of serious depression and they talked a lot about it, but she was not able to share the illness with most people including the medical community. She didn’t want her husband to tell anyone so he became her main support. He took her to the doctor three times and she would minimize her struggle. She was afraid of what might happen. She was afraid of being away from her daughter and about being hospitalized long term in a scary place (the mental health hospital). In terms of the illness, I think she was afraid it would never end, especially when the anti-depressants she was prescribed did not work.

Were the symptoms recognizable to you as an outsider, what were some warning signs that you witnessed, or were they masked?

The warning signs, in retrospect, were the absence of phone calls, pictures and sharing stories about her baby. I assumed that this lack of contact was because she was really busy being the “perfect” mother that I always imagined her to be. She was so involved and connected with the children in her life that I always imagined motherhood as something that came “naturally” or easily for her. I never imagined that her silence was really masking the excruciating reality of living with PPD. It’s painful to think about how becoming a mother, something she had been looking forward to for so long, turned out to be such a struggle – how she struggled in silence, not allowing herself support – how those of us who knew her didn’t offer support because we assumed that this woman who always amazed us could never be vulnerable to something like PPD.

If you could have a dialogue with her during the struggle and now knowing more about PPD, what would you have said to help her?

I would have been honest about my own struggle with PPD before she even gave birth. I would have tried to open a safe space for any future discussions on PPD by being understanding and sympathetic not only to my own struggle, but to the struggles of so many others. This is so important-the need to make it OK for her to share her pain. Honestly, I would have handed The Smiling Mask over to her and even gone over the book together, sharing thoughts and listening to what was going on for her. In this particular case, Carla’s experience may have offered her hope or a different way to look at things when her meds didn’t work. I would have legitimated her struggle while talking about possible options and resources that might help. The big thing is I guess is that I would have initiated a conversation that did not take place while she was alive.

Having suffered the loss of your friend what would tell others who may encounter PPD with their own friends or family?

Share your stories, experience, and knowledge about PPD. Others may feel differently about this, but I truly feel like being educated and prepared is important so that she can identify when something is not “normal.” Don’t assume anything. Don’t assume that a completely resilient capable woman can’t suffer PPD. Don’t assume that silence is only a sign of being a busy mom. Don’t assume that someone who appears happy is OK. Don’t assume that she will let you know when she needs help-even if that was the case before having the baby…just don’t assume.

Having the courage to share your story is very brave, what are your hopes for this interview?

I hope that this will speak to the serious potential of this illness and how it affects many different kinds of women. It is everyday women, our sisters, our daughters, and our friends who suffer from this illness. It is not something to be taken lightly or passed over as something that “women just need to get over” or “suck it up” (both comments of which I have heard in the past). Women themselves need to know that this is not a matter of being strong enough to handle it yourself, but being able to ask for help because this illness in its most severe form, has taken other women’s lives. It is a serious, real illness that can hit anyone – including my friend, one of the most brilliant, selfless, loving women I knew.

*****

If you feel compelled to become an Ambassador by telling your story on our website www.thesmilingmask.com, PLEASE feel free to contact us, we would be most honoured to showcase your truth. If you have more ideas on how the message of hope and healing can get around our world…contact us at info@thesmilingmask.com! Make a difference, today, by speaking out loud the valuable lessons you just learned. Even print and share this interview for others to read!

THE BIG APPLE EXPERIENCE!

2009-06-07T20:31:00.004-06:00

The Smiling Mask Team travelled to New York for its first academic conference. The bright lights, billboards and big city adventure was surreal.

The conference, “Mothers Gone Mad,” opened our eyes to the shared experiences of many women surrounding Postpartum Depression and Mothering.

Personally listening to the ideas presented by the various speakers was interesting on many levels, these women touched on so many aspects of mothering and their own experiences. The knowledge we received spoke about the respect for our own mothers and generations past.

There was no judgment of mental illness but rather a deep admiration for the strength and suffering of past and present mothers. The experience of congregating with such spirited, passionate and intelligent women was poetic. Our differences in age, education, social class and ethnicity were lost as we entered and spoke about women as a whole; mind, body and spirit. We encouraged, educated and empowered each other!

Our hope is that with more education and awareness future mothers will be free of the mask and move towards the original beauty of creation. Finally beginning with the universal thread: If we nurture the mother we nurture humanity.

Connections, connections, connections!

2009-05-21T09:00:00.025-06:00

Tania and I were able to showcase our project at the Canadian Counsellor's Conference held in Saskatoon, SK yesterday...and what a day of connecting with like-minded people...WOWSA! I would like to mention the people that truly will make a difference to us and the people we connect with...

two fabulous women Darlene Ouimet and Tammy Morales of Face to Face who want to help us to create a platform on our website in which we can connect with all of you...face to face, online!!

Suzane Proulx of SUMAE who has expertise in non-verbal communication (body language) and symobolism. An incredible process that optimizes individual thinking processes and decision making through the use of focusing and the recognition of symbolism! Suzane is such a spark!

Liz Coben of Turner Coben Event Marketing Inc. who gave us the opportunity to attend this conference in their Trade Show at such a pivotal location because the call for papers were already chosen last year, yet!

Joelle Emond of Ecole St-Germain and a member and website manager of the Manitoba School Counsellor's Association who will post our site as a resource for families - thank you!!

We sat beside Ivy Armstrong of the University of Saskatchewan who works in Recruitment & Admissions, who is a bright and bold 24-year old woman who has a lot of life figured out, already...so impressive! She touches families lives so beautifully by teaching music and mentoring teenagers in Air Cadets, as well.

Leah Deans of the Adoption Support Centre of Saskatchewan Inc. who says we may be asked to speak so that these parents will know that it is actually quite common that parents of adoptive children ALSO experience Postpartum Depression!

We also connected with the organizer of this incredible event, Barbara MacCallum, and were asked to submit a proposal to speak in next year's conference in Charlottetown, PEI!

Finally, a large thank you to Christine M. Gatzke, a Clinical Psychotherapist www.clc-apathtohealing.ca and friend, who introduced us to this conference in the first place!!

What a day filled with synchronicities! We are so grateful for each and every one of you for your support for us and the families we have and will be connecting with! We are immensely grateful we had the opportunity to show you our thanks for all the awareness you helped bring to our own families :)

A woman and her mission that I would like to bring your attention to...

2009-05-05T12:40:00.005-06:00

Natalie Dombrowski, the author of "Back to You," founder of S.P.E.A.K. (Spread Postpartum Education & Awareness Kinship) and writer of
http://nataliedombrowski.blogspot.com. She will be having her first radio interview that is going to be aired on May 8, 2009 at 9:00 am central time in honour of Mother's Day and Mothers everywhere. Tune in on Thursday it will be broadcast from Chicago, May 7th at 9:00 am on 91.5FM; Anyone, anywhere can listen on-line at www.wbez.org/848 So spread the word!! We are such kindred spirits ;)

Happy Early Mother's Day!!

2009-05-05T12:34:00.004-06:00

Here's a link on our website of Mothers' Stories ~ Mothers who have chosen to share their stories of hope and healing! Our one and only, Tania Bird, has also included her story that was written by her friend Colleen Opseth for one of her university courses! Sharing the awareness happens in a myriad ways and we thank each and every one of you who have chosen to embrace their experiences and share with the rest of the world! Enjoy...http://www.thesmilingmask.com/page/women_using_their_voices.

The Canadian Press is also spreading the awareness around Postpartum Mood Disorders!!

2009-05-04T10:27:00.010-06:00

Check out the latest article that our Carla O'Reilly had a HUGE hand in http://www.cbc.ca/canada/montreal/story/2009/05/04/montreal-cp-perinatal-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-0504.html!! Here's to health, wealth and awareness! Thank you Dominique Jarry-Shore of "The Canadian Press!"

The Smiling Mask has exploded!

2009-05-04T09:48:00.006-06:00

We have connected with women across Canada and all over the world! The mask has been destroyed and mothers are speaking their minds and unveiling their own truths! Check out our website to read “Women using their voices,” the more we connect, we realize the world is a small place and we can heal each other by education and validation!

When I was suffering alone and looking for more information I came across a website with information about Postpartum Psychosis. http://www.melaniesbattle.org/. The heartbreaking realization was it was brought forth with a tragic ending. Carol Blocker of Chicago lost her Daughter Melanie Stokes to Postpartum Psychosis and she is also on a mission to create awareness in the United States. I was shocked when a number was listed on the site and I called Carol thinking a voicemail would pick up my message. Instead a real voice answered and it was Carol! As I cried on the phone, I thanked her for the information that helped me so long ago and shared my story.

As we move forward in our journey I would like to remember the women that have suffered needlessly and encourage our followers to look to the future. Excerpt from “The Smiling Mask-Truths about Postpartum Depression and Parenthood”...

I believe that the initial first step of admitting that I had a problem and asking for medical help was what saved me. Going to the hospital on that grim day when I could not bear it any longer saved my life. I believe that finding a Postpartum Depression support group gave me the best coping skills and helped me to heal at a deeper level. Feeling validation from others and that I wasn't the only one dealing with this illness was also very important. The friends I made at the support group guided me to new ways of thinking about life and eventually encouraged me to be a survivor and not a victim. We were united together and we realized our full potential. We survived by using many tools and skills, and it is now our mission to spread the word and give hope to other women and families that are suffering. I have now accepted my illness as a gift that will create awareness and give hope to other people living in this inner “Hell.” Women need to ask for help, to find a support group or start a support group, to stop blaming themselves, and stop being a victim to this illness. Being a mother and creating life is the most important thing in the world. We are creating the children of the future. We need to take hold of our power, and remember our strengths.

I made a choice to survive and not be a victim to this illness ~ Carla

Our first online interview with our hubbies!

2009-04-30T20:55:00.009-06:00

Check out http://www.thefabulouswomannetwork.com for our first online magazine interview with Darren and Ward! Thanks so much for Janine Slayton and Katharine DeBoard for asking us to be their feature article for May and June 2009...what an honour. And, Janine and Katharine...thank you for being your fabulous-selves with each and every one of us!

p.s. Hey you fabulous friends of ours...you may want to consider joining this site, too, as we know you have much to contribute to this network!

WOW...it's been a while and are we ever on the move!!

2009-04-30T18:29:00.002-06:00

Sooo...our book came out on November 20th and we've been quite busy since!! You'll have to check out our Upcoming Events link on our site at www.thesmilingmask.com to understand just how we have become so well embraced by the medical, academic and Mom's Group communities!

One of the more exciting things that's happening is how we'll be speaking on our first international stage in New York City on May 29th for the Association for Research on Mothering's conference Mother's Gone Mad! Their conference runs parallel to Mamapalooza's event! Imagine all the connections and networking that will happen? You know...there are a few friends joining us...would you be interested? If so, send us a message at info@thesmilingmask.com!

Well, now that I finally got back on the blog-wagon...look forward to our updates and findings as the year progresses! Until then..."take care of you" as our friend Dr. Rose likes to end her messages, too!

Elita on behalf of The Smiling Mask Team

Our BABY will be "delivered" on...

2008-10-16T13:52:00.003-06:00

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

at the "Second Cup" in t he Cornwall Centre downtown Regina, SK

from 5:00 pm to 8:00 pm

and

Saturday, November 22nd, 2008
at the "The Java Express" in Moose Jaw, SK
1:00 pm to 3:00 pm

Carla, Elita, Tania and Peggy are MOST EXCITED to sign each of your copies and to mingle! We are most grateful for you all becoming our "Ambassadors" and making our project COME TRUE!! Imagine all the awareness you'll be spreading about health and hope ~ with love!

With heartfelt happiness!

The Smiling Mask Team
www.thesmilingmask.com