Conference & documentary update...

The Unmasking Postpartum Depression conference went beyond our wildest expectations! We were thrilled with the attendance, participation from everyone and passion from which the medical community spoke. It was evident by the enthusiasm in the room that change will occur in our jobs, community and approach to Postpartum Disorders. Education combined with empathy will have a positive impact to mothers, fathers and families suffering. The end result will have a positive and affirming impact on our children, our future!

We also had the opportunity to sneak-a-peak at our 40-minute documentary that serves as a resource for families and medical professionals. It was an absolute delight to be viewing it for the first time, surrounded by family and friends! Here's some of what our audience had to say…

Hearing the voices of those who experienced PPD first hand brings a new dimension to the illness and their stories. Seeing the raw emotion and the hope of healing with both the women who lived it and the husbands who stood by them helps the viewer gain perspective and insight. This is a must see for all couples as a testament to "in sickness and in health", and how love and courage mixed with hope can heal. This documentary creates a window for anyone whose mother, sister, aunt, cousin or friend experienced PPD; to understand the tug-o-war between the head and the heart, between love and fear for her child.
- Jill Poulton, Mother, Motivational Speaker, and Success Coach

Although the stories told in the film were familiar to me, having already read the excellent book, I was struck by the visceral impact of the images and the emotions presented. Even the most innocuous photograph of a mother and her baby is replete with meaning, and the images presented in "The Smiling Mask", accompanied by their stories of overwhelming confusion and despair, become a heart-breaking dichotomy of joy and sorrow. Fortunately, the film's message of hope rises above all of its pain, and assures sufferers of PPD that they are not alone, and never were. I recommend this film to any person with least spark of empathy in their soul.
- Dan Carr, Father and Web Developer

The documentary will be available for December, so purchase your copy, now, for the pre-sale price of $9.95, at www.thesmilingmask.com and promote Education, Empowerment, Encouragement and Empathy!

Carrie's Courage

Thank you for choosing to share you story Carrie, why do you think it is important?
I think speaking out about my experiences with Postpartum Depression (PPD) is important because I believe I can help other women going through a similar situation. I want to give other women and their families hope, and let them know that if I can overcome this illness, twice, then they can, too. I want to help unveil the mask so that other women won't go through what I did.

What were your symptoms like? How long did you suffer before seeking help?
With my first baby I was very anxious. I vomited a lot, had loss of appetite and lost a lot of weight. I was so worried that something was going to happen to my daughter. I feared that she would die. My daughter was colicky and cried a lot, so I was so worried about her and wondered what was wrong. I didn't get many breaks and I cried a lot, too; felt very depressed, and had trouble going to sleep at night. I used to dread the nights because I knew that I wouldn't get much sleep. My sleep deprivation caused more anxiety and depression. I also didn't want to be alone with my baby because I felt I couldn't look after her properly. I felt like an unfit mother, with the lack of sleep and with the level of anxiety I was experiencing.
With my second baby I knew that the chances of having PPD, again, were up to 80%. I felt fine for the first two weeks. I had my mom stay for two weeks to help, but after she went home my daughter became colicky and didn't sleep much. I was more depressed the second time, but the anxiety wasn't as bad.

What did you do in order to get help and why do you think it was so important for your family?
The first time I had PPD it took me three months to finally get medical help. I had heard about Postpartum Depression, but I didn't think it would happen to me. I also thought my sickness was because my daughter was colicky and I wasn't getting much sleep. That was part of it, but once my daughter was out of the colicky phase, I was still feeling the same symptoms. I went to see my doctor and she put me on an anti-depressant called “Paxil.” Unfortunately, it took awhile for the medication to work. I also joined a Postpartum Support Group at the YMCA and met three wonderful women who were going through postpartum difficulties, as well. We met once a week at the YMCA for the group and also started going out for coffee, afterwards. We also met for walks in the morning. I believe that talking to other women who were going through the same postpartum difficulties was the number one healing factor for me. The scheduled walks helped, as well because they gave me an outing to look forward to every week. Scheduling these walks helped me get out of the house and not make excuses why I couldn't go, and the endorphins released from the exercise made me feel good. After a month, of being on the anti-depressants, they finally started working and helped me feel more, emotionally, stable. I also joined a Women's Bible discussion group and found faith, again, in the Lord. I started praying often and read a lot of daily devotionals with other women.
The second time I experienced PPD, I went on the anti-depressant right away, but it still took a while to start working. I asked for help more, this time around, but it was still hard to do. Help was definitely a must because I had two small kids to take care of. It was much harder to get out of the house and go for walks this time with my girls so I talked to my friends, Carla, Tania, Cheryl and Elita, a lot on the phone. I also read Carla, Tania and Elita's book, The Smiling Mask: Truths about Postpartum Depression and Parenthood, which helped me stay positive and focused. Their stories of heartache and healing reminded me, again, that "this too shall pass" and I will be so much stronger for going through PPD. The "Strategies for Mothers with Postpartum Depression" section of their book really helped, as well. This information gave me strategies to practice and it really kept me moving forward with my healing journey. I read the book The Secret, as well, and it helped me learn how to think positive and gave me knowledge on how positive thinking is really powerful.

What steps did you take with your second pregnancy that was different from your first?
My husband and I hired a doula to assist us with the labour and delivery. That was the best thing I could have done for my family. During my second pregnancy we took hypno-birthing classes and our doula came out and taught us how to relax and do breathing exercises. These breathing exercises helped me relax during my pregnancy and were very beneficial during the labour and delivery. I had a much more positive and natural birthing experience with my second birth because of the preparation work and learning to breathe, properly. I never had an epidural this time around and had every intention not to get one. My delivery was much shorter and less work. I also had my doula and husband, right by my side, supporting me every step of the way. It was a very euphoric feeling after giving birth to her and I felt so much better the second time around.

What lessons have your learned from your healing that are positive for your family?
I have learned that going through Postpartum Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. I am using my voice that God gave me to help other women to speak out, as well. I have learned that being healthy in body, mind and spirit is very important for a mother to have, especially when looking after a newborn baby and other children. If the mother isn't happy and healthy, then the children and husband won't be either. I need to look after my body and mind by getting rest when I can, and ask for help. It “takes a village to raise a child,” and in other cultures and countries they have a whole village or community to help them. I have grown a lot in spirit by having complete faith in God and I know that He will take care of me if I let Him. I have learned to think positive and to count my blessings and be grateful for everything in my life. It takes practice, but it really is the key to happiness. I surround myself and family with other people that are spiritual and positive, as well, so I have help staying positive and keeping my faith.
If your daughters ever suffer from a mental illness how will you help them? What do you think is important for them to know, right now?
If my daughters ever suffer from any kind of mental illness, I would want them to be educated on the signs and symptoms of depression, and let them know that I will always be there for them to help them in any way I can. I would let them know that it is important to get some kind of medical help, or to talk to someone as soon as possible, so it can be dealt with right away and not escalate. I also want them to know other strategies that can help to overcome PPD. They should know that they should never be ashamed of a mental illness or for asking for help. They would be very courageous and smart for doing so. What I think is important for them to know, now, is to pray to God and give thanks for all they are blessed with. They need to be grateful for everything, and to not take anything for granted. I believe educating them on body, mind and spirit, now, will be key in helping them and, hopefully, preventing them from developing a mental illness. I want them to surround themselves with friends that are positive influences in their lives.
My experience with PPD has really helped me grow in body, mind and spirit and I've met a lot of wonderful and amazing women along my journey. I will continue to grow and pass all the knowledge onto my girls!


If you feel compelled to become an ambassador by showcasing your courage on our website www.thesmilingmask.com, please feel free to contact us, we would be most honoured to showcase your story. If you have more ideas on how the message of hope and healing can get around our world…contact us at info@thesmilingmask.com! Make a difference, today, by speaking out loud the valuable lessons you just learned. Even print and share this interview for others to read! ~ Carla O’Reilly, Elita Paterson & Tania Bird

How Nicole Marr is removing the mask of PPD!

Not only will we be featuring Nicole's story on our blog, it will also be honoured on our website! She's done such an exceptional job of describing what PPD felt like to her. I feel the more we share our experiences, we will realize that they all may be different, but the feelings are certainly the same. Through all this sharing and realizing, I'm hoping that a person will find the will to heal. Please allow me to begin sharing Nicole's story that can also be found on her blog at http://grudgemom.wordpress.com ...

Removing the Mask
September 2, 2009

For lack of a better title, I will borrow that from "The Smiling Mask."

What is The Smiling Mask? It’s a book about postpartum depression and parenting. I can’t say too much more than that as I’m just waiting for my copy to get here for me to read it. More importantly, the smiling mask is what you do when you are faced with postpartum depression, or any depression for that matter. You put on a smile and keep pushing through your day, no matter what is thrown at you. Even if people around you know you are affected by depression, you put on your mask just to be able to function. If you don’t put your smiling mask on in the morning, getting out of bed would be just about the hardest thing you’ve ever done. And if you have a family, a spouse and children, who are depending on you, that mask takes on Atlas-heavy proportions.

Notice I said ’spouse?’ Postpartum depression doesn’t just affect women. Moms may have hormones trying to do them in, but dads have many of the same issues as moms do after a baby is born. The huge change in lifestyle, the sleeplessness, the dependency of the baby and even the dependency of mom contribute to dad’s irritability, lack of sense of humor, anxiety, or insomnia – just to name a few effects. The Journal of Advanced Nursing published a study in 2004 that found that

During the first postpartum year, the incidence of paternal depression ranged from 1.2% to 25.5% in community samples, and from 24% to 50% among men whose partners were experiencing postpartum depression. Maternal depression was identified as the strongest predictor of paternal depression during the postpartum period.¹

So now that we’ve established that both men and women can have postpartum depression, what does it mean, and what do we do about it? PPD is scary. I don’t mean the “call protective services” kind of scary – although that is a possibility and does happen in some cases. And it’s not “call suicide intervention” kind of scary – again a possibility and a reality. But your personal mental state is altered. Thoughts and feelings are in your mind that you don’t recognize. You don’t understand where they’re coming from or why you feel the way you do. It’s like you don’t know yourself anymore. If you don’t know yourself, how is your spouse expected to follow this “change” in you and to keep up, and cover for you or take care of you. And what kind of parent thinks these kinds of thoughts? And why can’t I just make them STOP! See? It’s scary.

Instead of facing scary, we put on our smiling mask and go about our day. Inside, we’re sitting in a corner crying. But on the outside we’re greeting friends, and tying kids’ shoelaces, and packing spouses’ lunches and kissing them goodbye. And no one ever understands what we’re going through behind that mask.

Why don’t we take off the mask and show them? Why don’t we just tell everyone what’s going on inside us? Wouldn’t that be the obvious solution? But we don’t want to be ridiculed or scorned. We don’t want it to be blown off and belittled. And if I hear “Suck it up, princess” one more time…

PPD and all other types of depression are so much more prevalent than any study could find. There are people like me who think they can just deal with it themselves. There are people who try to get help and just can’t find access to it. Sometimes the help doesn’t come fast enough. Mostly though, people who are depressed just get blown off. They are told it’s not bad enough, they’re “mildly” depressed, it’s just the baby blues, or countless other variations of these.

Personally, I think those scorecards need to change. The surveys that you get asked at every well-baby visit, on every anti-depressant’s website, in your Cosmo magazine. They’ve set the depression bar too high, and it needs to be brought back down. It doesn’t matter if you’re slightly depressed or in a major depressive episode. Your ability to cope with it should be all that matters. If you are overwhelmed by depression, it means you can’t handle it yourself anymore. The kind of help you get can vary from person to person. But being overwhelmed means you need help.

Maybe if medical professionals started treating all forms of depression as a debilitating illness, there would be less stigma attached to it. Maybe if they said they could help with the baby blues instead of just telling you to get more support from family and friends. Maybe if dads weren’t laughed at for having postpartum depression. Maybe if moms with a little bit of depression weren’t shooed out the door to make way for someone else with something else “more important.” So many maybe’s.

Next time someone tells you they’re a little down, a little sad, a little depressed – ask them if you can hold their mask for a little while. Give them a hug. Tell them you love them. And ask them what you can do.

Thank you for telling your truth; for being real; for being brave. Here’s to a woman of change!

Elita

Nutritional & Emotional Health linked to Depression

In all my poking around regarding nutrition linked with depression, diabetes, cancer and other diseases, I've come across this incredibly supportive and knowledgeable doctor ~ Dr. Mark Hyman ~ http://ultrawellness.com. I'll be nurturing and supporting my body on September 15th, 2009 for seven days and ask, "After you've read for yourself how we have the power to heal ourselves, would you like to join me and hundreds of others?"

I continue to be excited for the healing possibilities!
Elita

Canadian Angels by your side

When I arrived home from work, I was joyful to see an ethereal package ~ an angel reminder. Author, Karen Forrest had connected with Elita Paterson and myself to tell our stories in her upcoming book Canadian Angels: By your side. As I flipped through the book and recalled my interview, I was refreshed by all that we had overcome in the year, past. Through our beliefs to destroy the mask of Postpartum Depression, we had encouraged many mothers to heal. Through the gift of serving we had also forgiven ourselves. By surrounding ourselves with angelic influence: cards, music, therapy, and our friends, we were able to release our demons. We were no longer prisoners to the negative thoughts or energies. You have the power to choose fear or love. We chose love and our worlds have exploded with Angels everywhere! Visit Karen Forrest’s website for more information on this book ~ www.karenforrest.com!

Forgive Yourself ~ Release Your Fears

Living with Postpartum Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for four years was in retrospect an incessant nightmare. My motherhood was robbed and replaced by torment, shame and sadness.

I was plagued by "visions" of harming my child on a hourly basis and I sought to escape them. Unfortunately, this meant searching for time from my son. When I came to the realization that I had the power to control my demons and replace them with angels, my heart floated towards healing. I released the guilt and began to believe in my power. I knew in my heart of hearts that I loved my son and that my fears where just thoughts. I replaced the nightmares with dreams; dreams to encourage others who were suffering to destroy their own masks.

In my journey, what I encountered with my son was his absence of fear. He was not afraid of anything. He was confident, bright, outspoken, and already knew his own power. I smile everyday as I watch him continue to enlighten me. I know in my heart that my choice to speak and share created healing within him. The most beautiful thing is when he says "Mommy you're beautiful and sparkly!" My spirit is finally shining, and the most important person is recognizing it.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

Love how the Universe works!

Earlier this month Isla Harvey from Barcroft Media in the UK had asked if we would like to be interviewed so that she could promote our book and spread the awareness even more on her side of the Atlantic! Of course we didn't hesitate ;) But then her supervisor said she would have to interview a Mom in the UK who has or is suffering from Postpartum Psychosis - makes good sense. Well, my very next email was from Elaine Hanzak from THE UK!!! A Mother who went through Puerperal Psychosis, the most severe form of “postnatal depression,” and chose to educate, empower and encourage other Moms to step forward to heal, too. She approached us to ask if we could exchange links on our websites so, together, we could spread the awareness even further!! Please...check out her website http://www.hanzak.com where you'll learn how she's positively affecting health professionals, mothers and family support groups plus corporations! Then there's her blog that is constantly being updated with pertinent information http://elainehanzak.blogspot.com!! We feel honoured to have connected with Elaine who is now thriving and changing the world for the better! Thank you for choosing to live your life purpose, Elaine - BIG hugs!