Sunday, July 19, 2009

Forgive Yourself ~ Release Your Fears

Living with Postpartum Obsessive Compulsive Disorder for four years was in retrospect an incessant nightmare. My motherhood was robbed and replaced by torment, shame and sadness.

I was plagued by "visions" of harming my child on a hourly basis and I sought to escape them. Unfortunately, this meant searching for time from my son. When I came to the realization that I had the power to control my demons and replace them with angels, my heart floated towards healing. I released the guilt and began to believe in my power. I knew in my heart of hearts that I loved my son and that my fears where just thoughts. I replaced the nightmares with dreams; dreams to encourage others who were suffering to destroy their own masks.

In my journey, what I encountered with my son was his absence of fear. He was not afraid of anything. He was confident, bright, outspoken, and already knew his own power. I smile everyday as I watch him continue to enlighten me. I know in my heart that my choice to speak and share created healing within him. The most beautiful thing is when he says "Mommy you're beautiful and sparkly!" My spirit is finally shining, and the most important person is recognizing it.

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." - Anais Nin

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